I was thinking back to a podcast I did years ago on The Truth about Black Men, with Janks Morton, creator and director of, What Black Men Think – a film that examines some of the myths, stereotypes, and misperceptions that have an impact on our relationships. The podcast was 8 years ago, but some of those stereotypes still exist…
“All the good black men are either gay or in jail.”
“Black men prefer to date outside their race, because they think all black women are gold diggers, and ho’s.”
Those are just a couple, but this post isn’t about those myths – that’s for another day. This post is about deficit model thinking…
Think of it in terms of your relationships. If you’re single and see a cute couple together, you begin to think of how you should be with someone. When Valentine’s Day comes around, how many of you throw yourself a pity party just because you’re not with someone?
Have you ever broken up with your mate and then when you see them with someone else, you think about being with them? Why? They’re still the same person they was when you broke up with them.
Why do you spend more time coveting what we don’t have instead of enjoying what you do have?
For those of you that are in a relationship, this STILL applies. Think about it.
Ladies: Your man is 6″ but you wish he was 8″. Or he’s 8″ but he doesn’t eat your pussy. Or he eats it, but not often enough. When he cums too quick, “ninja, quite being selfish with yo minute man, ass,” but when he’s on his second nut and rearranging your walls it’s “damn, can you hurry up and cum.” He goes to work everyday and comes home every night, but you say he’s boring and you want him to be more exciting.
Fellas: Your woman gives head, but you keep trying to get her to swallow… You want her to be a good wholesome God-fearing woman, but fu*k you like a $2 ho that grew up in the streets… She cooks, but you wish she could cook as good as your mama… You want her to take care of the house and kids, but also work full time and pay half the bills… You want her to speak her mind, but when she does you say, “Damn woman, just STFU and do what I say.”
Why are you never satisfied?
Why can’t “good” be good enough? Does the pursuit of “perfection” get in the way of you enjoying the “good”?