When it comes to sex and relationships, there is a general school of thought that you should not leave and otherwise good relationship just because you aren’t being sexually satisfied, and there are a lot of others things in a relationship that should be more important than good sex. While that sounds good in theory, what should you do when sex is an important part of your relationship identity? When should it be OK, not to settle for unsatisfactory sex?
Here are excerpts from a candid , honest interview with a woman that decided that boring, occasional sex isn’t worth compromising for – regardless of the other benefits in a relationship. Click to listen to the entire interview of, More than just a nut.
TRP: You were in two long-term relationships (a total of 10 years) that you ended because you weren’t being fulfilled sexually. Why is sex so important to you?
“Sex is my way of connecting with the other person. We can go all day and not say two words to each other, but when we have sex it is like a reset button. If the sex isn’t good right off the bat, it’s a deal breaker for me because it is that important to me.”
TRP: You mentioned several times in the conversation in your past two relationships your partners mentioned, they had to think about is this the last pussy I’m going to have the rest of my life. Do you think it was really about the sex or was it YOU they had a concern about being with whatever.
“Well shit, is that a problem? LOL! This pussy is great. But seriously, yea I think it is. My love language is touch, having physical intimacy, and for both of them it was different. Sex wasn’t a necessity for the 1st, and sex wasn’t about intimacy (trust) for the 2nd. And for me, sex is a priority and it is how I express my level of intimacy and vulnerability with my partner. I’ve heard the term crazy a lot. If you do crazy shit, I’m going to do fucking crazy shit back. LOL! But seriously when it comes to sex, I think I put pressure on it.
TRP: What is it about the physical act of sex that makes it the connector for you instead of you connecting in other ways?
“It’s a much deeper connection to me than just talking it out. Girls can fuck just to fuck too without crying because it’s over, but when you’re in a relationship with someone you’re monogamous with it’s a much deeper connection and I open myself up to an even deeper way. That’s the connection I look for with sex that I don’t get through having just a deep conversation.”
TRP: We’ve all heard some variation that if you satisfy your man sexually then he isn’t going to cheat, but you’re the opposite from the standpoint, you want to and are willing to have sex 2 – 3 times per day and put that out there; yet they cheated anyway. Why do you think it happened?
“The conversation I had with them is this fear of them only being with me forever. What’s strange about that is that I’m incredibly open sexually and told them I’m OK with adding anyone at any time, yet they were still unsure. We talked about them being bored and even after we brought someone else in, he still cheated. Ultimately I think he was having other issues, such as alcohol, etc., that contributed to his mindset of him being concerned about “it being the last piece of pussy.”
TRP: The average married couple has sex 3 times a month, you prefer 2 – 3 times a day. Would you consider yourself to be a sex-addict?
“God I hope not. I don’t understand why something so pleasurable is seemed to be like a chore, or you be too tired to do it. Sex can last for as little or as long as we make it. Sometimes we need to simply get off, sweat it out in the bedroom and it be OK to be detached. I get that, I do that, and I get pleasure watching him simply get off and use me to make that happen, and even if I don’t get off it still turns me on and I’m satisfied.
Guy I was with for 8 years was a super nice guy with not so good dick and didn’t want to have sex a lot and then for two years I had the bad boy with really great sex, but wasn’t so nice. Why can’t I have the happy medium, and have the great person with the great connection with great sex?”
TRP: When should you have the conversation with your partner that you’re not being fulfilled and is there a concern about hurt feelings?
When it’s an evident change that’s happening and a distance that’s growing, you have to be straightforward and ask what’s up and then decide what you will do with that information. Depending on what is said, it can get in your head and it becomes a mind fuck and now you’re asking yourself “Oh shit, are they feeling it tonight?”
With the first guy that wasn’t really into sex, I left recognizing history with someone isn’t worth compromising little to none, boring sex. It only made me frustrated and resentful. And with the last, he struggled with making the commitment to one woman for sex because womanizing had become part of his identity and fed a need for his ego for years, which brought up other issues.
Addressing it made us talk about deeper issues. It changes things and not necessarily for the better. I think the free-flowing goes away because someone’s feelings are hurt and someone becomes jaded. I recognized the importance of having these conversations before things get serious down the road and to really listen to their sexual expectations and experiences so you have an idea of how it will be when the honeymoon phase of fucking every day wears off and life gets real.”
TRP: Are there any parting words you’d like to leave females in a similar situation where you’re not getting it as often as you like, or you’re not getting the ideal of good man and good sex?
Ask yourself, what’s more important to you. Is that they type of relationship you want to be in forever? Also, with those conversations change needs to happen. You have to be open and honest with yourself and don’t wait that long to say something if you know your gut is telling you something needs to change.
Click to listen to the entire interview of, More than just a nut.