One More Chance

Dear TRP:

“How do I tell my wife that I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong. I’ve been away on business but I want to make it up to her and work things out. She is not even giving me a chance. Maybe she married me because of the children but I know she is my true love. So what to do?”

My thoughts…

All of this, “Boo, hoo – I don’t know what to say, tell me what should I say… she isn’t giving me a chance… maybe she married me for the kids, etc”

Man, all that ish is weak.

You sound like YOU don’t even think you deserve a chance, and if you don’t think so then why should she?

There are no mystical, magical, majestical words that is ever going to make “I’m sorry” good enough. Especially if you’ve been acting up for awhile. How many times has she told you to get your ish together and she stayed by you while you continually acted up? She’s probably heard your “I’m sorry” routine one too many times and that’s why you’re asking us to give you a new one.

Only children think all they have to do is say, “I’m sorry” and that should be good enough. Men let their actions do the talking for them.

How do you tell your wife you’re sorry?

I'm sorry
First you simply just TELL HER you’re sorry and why. Let her know you understand things from her point of view and how what you did hurt her. “I know what I did hurt you because of blah, blah”. Be specific. None of that “I’m sorry, but” BS. You’re sorry just because you’re sorry. And don’t expect anything in return.

Next, take responsibility. Don’t say, “it’s not my fault that I… or you made me”. Ninja please. It’s your fault. Own up to it.

Start pledging. Whether or not you pledged in a fraternity in college, you understand the concept. Until (if she even does) she takes you back, you’re “on the line”. You do what she says, when she says, and how she says it for however long you have to. It’s one thing if you just didn’t take the garbage out, but this sounds more serious than that so be prepared to work. If you weren’t giving her enough time, then you give her all the time she requires and then find a way to give her even more. It’s not about what YOU THINK is appropriate. It’s about her. The only standard you need to go by is hers.

And don’t think you’ll only have to pledge for a few weeks. Change weeks to months and if you can’t handle it for that long, then move on.

Just stop it. It doesn’t matter what you say if at the end of the day you end up going back to doing the same ish. You can stop it. It’s a choice. Don’t give me “I’ve been like this forever, BS”. so what! I bet if I held a gun to your head, you’d change whatever I told you real quick. Well your wife is holding the gun. If you don’t want to permanently change whatever it is then stop wasting everyone’s time and move on.

Finally you need to let go. By that I mean be willing to put the future of the relationship completely in her hands. You know you effed up. And because you effed up she has to deal with all of the pain and hurt that comes with you messing up. You can request forgiveness, but don’t demand it. It’s up to her to decide if she wants to forgive you.

Forgiveness is a gift. A gift that’s demanded is no longer a gift.

Now after all of that if she still doesn’t want to reconcile, then it’s your lost homie. You should’ve acted right when you had the chance. And if she just married you for the kids, she was never really yours to begin with even if she’s YOUR TRUE love.

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.