The over/under on relationships

I was having a conversation with my TWG (token, white, girl). You know you always have to have at least one person of every race in your circle of influence.  For those of you that are sensitive this morning, I’m joking.  So ladies go change your tampons, and fellas, take care of that pesky itch and then maybe you’ll laugh.

But anyways…

The Over…

We were discussing why relationships are over/underrated.  She’s married, so her perspective is different from those that aren’t… or is it?  Here’s what she said…

Well, relationships/marriage is highly OVERrated as I can say from someone who is in one.  Why do people want to be in them?

Well, some people need personal security and financial security…

I don’t think you get this from marriage. While you can, of course, I think you can also attain personal security (someone to always be there…) through many types of relationships.  The financial part.  Well, times they are a’ changin.  Women are all over the work force making their own money so its not necessary anymore to be in a marriage to achieve this security.

Some folks want a partner for life.  Again, this is not necessarily your husband/wife.   We all expected to get married in our early 20’s, have babies, and live happily ever after.  These days that is not necessarily the norm and just not reality.  First of all, women don’t need a man to reproduce, to make lots of money, to travel, to basically live a full live with financial and long term security.  (That works both ways, for men too, of course.)

young-black-couple-in-love

So, the smart folks realize this and see the divorce rates and are happy doing their thing and not thinking the grass is always greener.  But, I don’t think most of us are that smart…we always want what we don’t have!   And, I have seen it time and time again, friends ESCAPE bad marriages (I didn’t say toxic or abusive, just bad-not-meant-to-be-ones) and they proclaim they will never get married again.   After all, this past marriage was THE ONE at some point too, so how can you ever be sure?  But, yep, 6 months later they meet someone, have that AMAZING, freaky sex your show talks about…mind blowing, stay up all night, where have you been all my life, we make a perfect fit, lets try it this way, where did you learn how to do that, who needs sleep/food/jobs, etc. sex.  And, yep, they are hooked, in love and a year later they get married again.

Will it last, maybe.  But, really…

Relationships are harder these days with the fact that women are now in the work force – lots of opportunity for bored married girls and boys whereas before how did men and women find each other if they were married?  Hell, I don’t even know?  So, they have work places in common along with gyms, (nobody’s mama went to a GYM before now!) MySpace, dating sites, accepted ideologies of Girls/Boys Nights Out/Trips, etc….the list goes on.  We are out there and its a freaking playground for unhappy marrieds (or those just in exclusive relationships too!) all the way around.  So, how can a relationship survive this?  Well, it can DEPENDING on how you (BOTH) were raised as you both have to be invested, agree what you want for the future, religious beliefs, social mores, etc…

If you are a person with the persona to enjoy one person with a stable calm unassuming content way of life (both of you!) then you are golden.  If just one of you has a wandering eye…and other wandering parts…you are toast.  Unless you are one who can put a “blind eye” to sacrifice your long term white picket fence dream.

So, in a nutshell, relationships are overrated in the fact that you can have everything a relationship provides (or what you are looking for it to provide) by having different types of relationships that don’t necessarily end in marriage.  You can still be monogamous if you choose but the legality of marriage is unnecesary.  It puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship.  You do have to step up to make yourself happy though…get out and enjoy your life, make it full and meet people to enrich yourself.

The Under…

Why are relationships underrated:

Someone to cook when you don’t want to.

Someone to drive when you don’t want to.

married black coupleSomeone to always be around for a movie, dinner, talk, laugh, get your feet warm in bed, to call you with good news to share, to have someone to call with your own good/bad news, a captive audience to spill your life dramas to, I could go on, someone to cheer you on, to talk you down off the edge of a metaphoric cliff….but really all of these things can be achieved outside of a marriage too…so, I am not a proponent of marriage.  Just an advocate of people being happy however they deem that to be.

Relationships are healthy.  All relationships if both people are in the same place at the same time wanting the same thing, and grow at the same rate…  Wow, and that sounds easy, huh?

Ha.  Too much info, I know.   A little scattered but what can you expect as I am having English 101 flashbacks…not good!

I don’t mean for it to sound pessimistic, maybe just realistic for me right now…I am a very happy go lucky, positive, loving, open hearted individual who is just learning as I go…

There are no real answers, huh?  Just figuring yourself out to figure what you want from there…Not an easy job to lead people through, Professor!

 

What are your thoughts? What do you think is the over/under on relationships?

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.