When The Past Comes Knocking

Dear TRP,

Is there any right way to do this? I have an ex girlfriend who will be visiting my city in a few months and lives outta state. She knows I am in a relationship and we are just friends and says she would just like to hang out and sight see. She does occasionally flirt when we communicate but says that she understands and respects that i am taken. She is also bringing her kids and wants them to meet my son. Sounds innocent enough… My problem is..I would like my girlfriend to be around because I don’t want to hang out with her behind my girlfriend’s back. Im not a shady person but I don’t know how my girl will respond to this. What is the best way to handle this situation?

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Nic’s Thoughts: 

Since you see the flirtation in her communications with you, it’s obvious she might be interested in “catching up” during this visit in a different way. You may have moved on, but that doesn’t mean she has. The question really becomes is this chick now an old friend or an old flame? I’m a little curious why you were both communicating if you both moved on and you’re now in a committed relationship. In any case, you have an idea of the risk and how this can go bad. You know her better than we do. And you know you’re own feelings better than us. So if you’re worried about some unresolved attraction or unfinished business, or if you think she might be trying to get it in for all time sakes, then I’d stay away completely.

But if you’re confident that things are straight on your end, I’d go with your first mind and bring your girlfriend with you. It will show both your girlfriend and the ex that you respect your current relationship and answer any question she may have about where you stand. If that wasn’t the case and she truly had good intentions then no harm no foul. It won’t bother her either way and you guys can have a great visit and catch up. Life goes on. So the best way to handle the situation? Figure out where she really stands by letting her know you’re bringing your girlfriend. Her reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know. Hope that helps..

Best of luck!! 

Hope this helps.  You can email your relationship questions/challenges to: deartrp@relationshipplaybook.com

~Nic

About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!