Sexual Tension

Dear TRP:

Within the last four weeks this has transpired in my relationship: The first two weeks my s/o of close to 2 years came over just about every day and the sheets speak for themselves. However, the next week we don’t have sex and she asked if something is wrong with going 3 days without having sex. Later on she says that she’s not feeling it like usual and I was very understanding (not pushing the issue because I thought it was maybe her birth control which is known to cause Hormonal imbalances). One day she goes into the room takes off her clothes and you know… so in the middle of sex I’m using techniques to hold back ejaculation to build up energy.

After realizing this, she responds that I am “wasting her time…” I ask her what she means by that and she gives me no answer. She later explains that she receives satisfaction knowing that I am satisfied. However, I explained to her that my satisfaction doesn’t come from just ejaculating. Im trying to move forward to a solution but her language i.e… “wasting her time” sticks in my mind right now. Your thoughts here would be appreciated.

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Nic’s Thoughts: 

It really just seems like you’re having some miscues in the bedroom, nothing more, nothing less. I’m having a hard time seeing why either one of you should be getting upset about this sexual mistiming. Most couples at some point or another will be out of sync in the bed. It’s just life… someone is either too tired or just not in the mood. Or like you mentioned earlier about the hormones? Try a woman raging on her period! What I’m pointing to is that everything in the bedroom doesn’t operate like a script. It sounds like you guys have a pretty healthy sex life. Why sweat the small stuff when it comes to a couple of miscues? To answer her question: I wouldn’t take a couple of days without sex as a reason to be alarmed. Just like her not being in the mood one night isn’t a reason for you to start stressing either. In the case of her getting pissed because you were holding back a bit to keep from busting too early? I’m lost on that one! I don’t see the issue in using a little self control, because I can assure you she’d be pissed if you just said F it and let it off prematurely. In any case, it’s no harm in wanting to make sure your lover is satisfied. You both seem to operate from the view that each other’s sexual gratification is what fulfills your own. That’s cool and all, but is it necessary to really cause a fuss because someone didn’t get theirs? When I hear “you’re wasting my time” from her I can’t figure out if she’s pissed you didn’t make her orgasm or if she’s pissed you didn’t….. So, with that said. Here’s the only 2 solutions I can think of.

1. Bust when you feel like it, then roll over and suck your thumb like Eddie Murphy did in Boomerang. 

As a matter of fact, go to sleep right after. Like a baby too! What more of a sign of satisfaction can you get? If that doesn’t work, go to step 2.

2. Change your tire and get back on the road. Ride it till the wheels fall off! 

Basically, recharge and hop back on and proceed to riding that ass into the sunset. Put it in her stomach and tear down the walls if need be. Make her go from “No, please, let me get off” to ” That’s the spot, don’t move” all in a matter or 90 seconds. Your goal at this point should be that inaudible whimper which comes right before a splash to the sheets and ends with that involuntary twitch of the legs that comes from a woman’s intense orgasm. Trust when I say that after a night like that she will make the tacos! Either way you both got yours.

Don’t sweat the small stuff! But I hope it works out for the best.. 

~Nic

Hope this helps.  You can email your relationship questions/challenges to: deartrp@relationshipplaybook.com

About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!