Then and Now

grief#Dear TRP: I connected on FB with a Guy I’ve known since I was a kid. My marriage will be formally dissolved in June, but I’ve been pining for him since I last saw him which was 22 years ago. It was an abrupt ending and I never heard from him again until last summer. He had gotten into some trouble. I tried to contact him, but like I said I never heard from him until last summer.

He says he’s single, but I see all the girls on his FB page. He wrote love poetry to me. We talked a lot at first and then every month or so, because he travels for work. We are not in the same town. I’ve given him all the information he needs to visit. Then I just gave up, because, it just seemed hopeless and I didn’t like that he used the same nickname for me as he did with his other “friends.” We were first loves from elementary school. He asked me to marry him at 16.

He says it’s not true that a guy who does not call is just not that interested in you. I think maybe, I thought more about him and me than he did. When we were kids, I could understand a long-distance relationship. Now, I don’t see what the excuse is. He has a daughter he calls his princess. He never bad mouths his daughter’s mother. I think he is a rolling stone.

What do you think?

My thoughts…

I would first encourage you that if your divorce is not final till June, then to wait till June before seriously thinking about a relationship.  Many times we don’t think about the small details but even things like the finality of a marriage can make a difference in your new relationship.  You are entering into a relationship without bringing full closure to the old relationship.  In regards to the gentleman, there are a couple of perspectives that can be addressed…

chess game1.The “Game” – There are many people out there who enjoy the relationship game.  It is like a trophy case, with each relationship or the appearance of a relationship is one more added prize on their shelf.  These people will do everything possible to get the participants to fully engage in the game.  They will say what needs to be said, paint whatever picture that needs to be painted, with the objective being to get full buy-in from the other participant.

2.The “Idea” – There are some who can be attracted to the benefits of a relationship.  They are able to see how the person would be a great asset  to them.  They are able to visualize how this person could build them up, or make them happy.  They actually fall in love with the idea of the relationship.  They fall in love with the thought of what it would be like to rekindle what we use to have or the thought of continuing from where we left off.  However when having to make the idea a reality, it  becomes very difficult.

At the end of the day it has to be your choice.  The harsh reality is that if he wanted to see you or talk to you he would make it happen, so you must ask yourself, what am I willing to deal with?  What are my expectations?  What are my standards?  What are my desires? Does he meet those? Not back then, but NOW!

Hope this helps.  You can email your relationship questions/challenges to: deartrp@relationshipplaybook.com

About Marcus Young

Marcus Young has written 5 post in this blog.

Marcus Young I am a 36 year old native of Tacoma Washington. I am an accomplished singer, motivational speaker and soon to be author. I love imparting into people tools that will empower them and help them to have successful relationships! I bring to TRP a religious, yet realistic and rational perspective to relationships and love. I plan to use my experience, insight and wisdom to help others navigate through the complexities of this thing we call love and relationship.