#DearTRP: I have a friend that lives with with another woman’s husband. He left his wife and lied about my friend being in his life and he has been living with my friend now for a few years. He won’t divorce his wife and is STILL in contact with her. She has met his parents a couple of times in a few yrs.. and I keep telling her he is no good. She goes to church! (which i think is ludacris – since dating him) which I dont get IF she knows she is living with a man that wont cut ties with his wife. She has a bad rep for choosing the wrong men and I think she needs to love herself a little bit more. No a lot more. This guy is dirt and denies he is with her and apparently even created a fake fb page to say they are in a relationship! I dont know why she is accepting this but she wont listen to any of us that know the situation.
What kind of advice do we give her? We want to support her but cant support their relationship. I feel sorry for the wife too actually cause apparently she wasnt a bad wife at all to him. But my friend said she wanted him and was going to get him! She did but not 100%. I dont know.
Are we as friends wrong in telling her to let this man go? Should we as friends just stay out of it. None of us like him because we know how he treats her too! Their relationship seems to be a farse. We think he is just a user.
What should we do.. cause none of us want to push her away but this is a weird situation.
I would first like to commend you on seeking out advice as to your role. Many times it is hard to find friends that are balanced. Either they are in the relationship too much or they see destruction coming and don’t care enough to let you know. However conveniently they are the first ones there to tell you, “I told you so”.
In regards to your friend, I would encourage you to read our post, “Balance between the Head and the Heart”. I would also assume that you have tried to talk to her from many different angles. I read that she goes to church. If you are a believer as well, I would encourage you to pray for her. We should engage in relationships (of any kind) which will enhance us and compliment us where we are currently and where we are going. Many times distractions come to keep us from our assignment or destiny and at the time it is very hard to recognize them. This is when you need people in your corner that will hold you up in prayer! Just like no good relationship should pull you away from a great job, a good relationship should not pull you away from a GREAT God.
So to answer your questions, what kind of advice should you give her? Scriptures! One being Galatians 6:7&8.
Are you wrong for telling her that the situation is not good? No, but you also have to realize that it is her life. If you don’t separate the two you will find yourself worrying, stressing, and sleepless more than her which is not good.
Lastly, I would say to set boundaries. You are friends with her not him, so it is ok to let your friend know that while I love you, I don’t have to deal or tolerate him. It’s not that you are making her choose, you are just setting clear expectations that our time is our time, without him.
I will be praying for you all…
Hope this helps. You can email your relationship questions/challenges to: firstname.lastname@example.org