The classic dating nightmare story, much like noses – everyone has one. On a first date, nerves are high and both partners are left guess working their way through sensitive territory. The nerves start up before the date even happens, when both parties deliberate endlessly upon how to represent themselves fashion-wise and continues through the night while each person struggles to display the right amount of interest without overkill. The date usually ends with a flourish in those final moments when one must evaluate the likelihood of a kiss goodnight.
It is unusual for a first date to be perfect, but there are a few tips that help you avoid an absolute disaster with no hope of salvaging it. Take heed, and date on!
1. Strike a Balance of Mystery and Interest
Believe me, this is harder than you think. The trick is to not give out too much information in one go, but not be a complete bore either. Nobody likes too many ineffective lulls in the conversation and forced output. Leave your date intrigued to know more, and avoid giving too many details about personal matters in your life. When there is a gap in the conversation, don’t make it awkward. Look into your date’s eyes, smile, and keep that conversation going by making a casual observation about your surroundings or asking your date a question.
2. Maintain Sobriety
The quickest way to ruin a date is to drink too much, and be very weary if your date gets too liquored up. You have to remain in control of the situation and show that you are a responsible and respectful person. If you know a couple of drinks make you reckless, then consider abstaining from alcohol all together. Don’t worry, you don’t have to give up drinking all together. A few dates in and you can begin to show your playful side and probably be appreciated for it.
3.Leave Your Ex At the Door
It is natural to want to discuss previous relationships because it is our way of communicating what went wrong before so it does not happen again. However, refrain from bringing in your previous blunders on a first date. You run the risk of making your date think you are not over your ex, or making them uncomfortable all together. Save it for future dates when you are both ready to talk about your past in more detail.
4. Conversation is a Two-Way Street
Sometimes our nervousness gets the better of us, and we become unstoppable chatterboxes. However, on a date, it is important to not only talk about your interests, hobbies, job, family but to also show keen interest in what the other person has to say. If you find you are talking too much, leaving your date lucky to get a word in very 15 minutes, stop yourself and pace the conversation a bit better. Don’t just ask a question, field the answer, and continue talking. Ask a follow-up question, expand the conversation, or offer a similar story to build a connection. Enjoy being a listener as much as a talker.
5. Presentation Rules
If you have some concerns about how to dress for the first date, here are the top two rules – one for women and one for men. Ladies, wear comfortable shoes because no man wants to hear you complain all night about how your feet hurt. Men, maintain your face. If you lean towards a clean-shaven look then definitely practice the art of shaving brush and clean it up. If you sport a beard or stubble then you have to groom it and make it look presentable. Anything else will make you seem like you didn’t care enough about the date to invest in appearance.
6. Follow Up … But Keep It Simple
So the date went really well. Now what? A lot of people lose the chance of a second date because they screw up the follow up. Either they don’t get to touch soon enough because they are playing games or they get in touch TOO much. Again, this is about striking balance. Ladies, it is okay to text your date a simple note thanking them for a lovely time but don’t ask when the next date is. Guys, don’t expect your date to remember you or the lovely date if you reply 10 days later. You’re not “playing it cool”, you are allowing doubts, insecurities and resentment into the equation which is not worth the hassle! Keep it real and honest, show appreciation and balanced interest. Not too much and not nothing at all.
Today’s post by Ashley Williamson. Ashley is a freelance writer and an occasional guest-blogger interested in topics related to family life, health and food. When she is not working she likes to travel and discover hidden places around the globe.