Sex on the first date, Yay or Nay?

By: Guest

If you’re in a committed relationship, you’re expected to stay faithful and eventually get married. Singles, though, are challenged by dating do’s and don’ts that can easily be discounted by contradictions and exceptions to the rules. First-person experiences, personal perspectives from a friend of the opposite sex and artificial timelines can interfere with dating rules to follow or not while searching for the one. Sex, for one, is a murky dating conundrum.


Don’t Do ‘It’

The number one rule that single men and women are supposed to follow on a first date is no sex. No matter how hot your date looks, how intense the mutual chemistry is and enticing that memory foam mattress looks, pass on sex. By waiting for sex, no one has to worry about feeling disrespected. By waiting for sex, you’re not ruining this flourishing relationship with your future husband and father of your children. They say wait. Who’s “they?” Dating columnists and Web writers. The cool moms who can talk about sex with their grown daughters. Girlfriends with their iPhones texting “if he truly likes you, he won’t sleep with you tonight. Don’t do it.” The little voice inside your head reminding you of your past first-date hook ups that left you cold and deserted — feeling insecure.

A Man’s Perspective

Jod Kaftan, a contributor, advocates the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule. Kaftan credits himself to be the authority on dating and self because of his honest male perspective. His points are valid, so valid that they’re bulleted below:

  • Men have two things on their mind: sex and love
  • Sex can mask a man’s emotional needs
  • Men need to form an emotional connection before they can feel sex as intimacy
  • To not rush things means this time, it’s different and special
  • Men don’t want to feel emasculated by requesting to wait also recommends turning down sex on the first date. Dating is anticlimactic after having sex. Waiting is a challenge and keeps both parties interested. Sex is something to look forward to and pays off when that person ends up being someone whom you really care about. Postponing sex creates room for building trust and recognizing genuine feelings. Jumping into the mattress mambo typically sets a poor precedent and can create forced artificial feelings based off of intimate physical contact.

Why Not?

Playing Devil’s Advocate, though: So much pressure and over-analyzing is put into sex and dating. If two people naturally share this type of connection, why not act upon mutual sexual desire, no matter the context? If the undeniable physical connection exists, then sex can actually be an ice breaker. Although anticipation can be exciting, it can also be nerve-wracking and built up to the point that the first time ends up being disastrously disappointing. Bottom line? Follow what feels natural and don’t second guess it — because what’s meant to be, will be.

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.