The Choice Is Yours

By Nick Campbell:

In the blogosphere of today’s social media there has been a lot of chatter about interracial dating. Truth be told, it’s been downright brutal at times. Lost somewhere in the conversation about interracial dating, is the distinct difference between preferences and self hate. There is a big difference between the two, however, many people are choosing to blur the lines. A racial preference in dating is exactly that, a preference. E.G. I love dating Latina women, or Asian men. Self hate tends to be more along the lines of someone refusing to date their own. Not by definition, but the root of a person with an absolute refusal to date their own race? Yes, that has a lot of self hate deeply rooted in it. Need a stat? Let’s say about over 75% of it will be self hate. Or some deeply resented situation that’s occurred in their past.

In some cases it’s something that occurred fairly recently. That typical scenario that you’ve heard before: Black girl dates black guy, he dogs her out and afterwards she swears off black men forever. Vice versa with the men too:  White guy dates a white woman, it doesn’t work and he swears them to hades. Whether it’s self hate or preference, truthfully it makes no difference. People are free to choose who they date and marry. It makes me no never mind, and it should’t with you either. But it’s worth discussing if anything to see how they differ. However, it’s not always so clear cut. There are many scenarios where we can see the difference.


What is self hate?

By definition self hate is extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry at or even prejudiced against oneself. Make no mistake that it goes way beyond interracial dating. It can delve into issues about culture, family, and even social status. Only those who have a negative perception about themselves really know if this applies. Does it apply to you? It’s not like you can look at someone and just proclaim that they have self-hate problems. And you especially can’t automatically brand someone with that just because they’re dating another race. However, you can assume to a certain degree if they refuse to see beauty in themselves. But you still have to approach it with caution. We don’t know what drives their preferences or choices. But a lot of times where there is smoke, there is fire. Many of us struggle with self hatred to some degree, if not at least in our minds. We may ponder it silently but it doesn’t mean it’s not an issue. All things considered, the amount of vitriol thrown at interracial dating in general, has gotten way out of control.

What drives your preferences? 

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We all have our preferences when it comes to who we date. Race plays a minor role for some, for others, major. Many people cite physical traits and temperament on their list.  As a man who has dated almost every race there is, trust when I say they’re all crazy! No, all kidding aside there isn’t much difference when it comes to color. I’ve met crazy women who were black, White, Mexican, Filipino ETC. I’ve dated woman who were strong, some were weak. I did notice a lot of socioeconomic differences by the race, but when it came to temperament? It was very much across the board. So this notion by some that white women are weak, or passive in nature is a bit inaccurate to say the least. Conversely, the notion that all black women are fierce and tenacious is equally off base. It really comes down to the individual. I could go on and on about the misconceptions surrounding the physical traits that may or may not be driving us. Speaking as a man, I can tell you I’ve met flat booty black women and met white women who had CAKES! Must be something in the water I suppose…

At the end of the day it all comes down to the choices you make. Whatever drives your desire to date a certain type of person is no one’s business. After all, it’s your relationship and whether it succeeds or fails is entirely on you. Race hardly plays a role in that, and ratchet behavior comes in all flavors. But if you suffer from self-hate I’d strongly suggest looking in the mirror and face whatever drives that feeling. Because if you’re dissing your own, in a sense you’re dissing yourself. A refusal to like your own is very different from a preference. It’s what separates self hatred and simply having a preference.

Till next time TRP! 




About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!