I find myself writing yet one more time on relationship advice….why? Because there is nearly an information overload of relationship experts who are going to tell you what you and your boo ought to be doing to “make it work.” From Oprah to Steve Harvey to Dr. Phil to the Venus/Mars Dude and Big Momma’n’em. People will give you relationship advice whether you want it or not. You can be happy and every thing going fine and people will still find a way to give you relationship advice. This can be good or bad depending on the persons involved.
So in order to give this issue some perspective I want to give some guidelines for giving and receiving advice.
*Be careful telling your family of your relationship issues, especially if the said issues are not particularly serious enough for you to leave. Your family loves you. Big Momma don’t take too kindly to someone mistreating her babies. She is liable to “circle the wagons” and have the U-Haul and your four uncles in your driveway ready to help remove you from the premises. Bless her heart. She means well. She and your four uncles are going to be salty with you if you don’t plan to leave when they come to get you. But eventually they will forgive you. It will be your significant other they will hate until the Lord comes back. If you don’t plan on leaving, don’t turn your family against your boo.
*Consider the source. Some people just don’t know what the Hell they are talking about. Period. Nothing to add here.
*9 times out 10 you already know the right thing to do. You just don’t want to do it. There is a difference between wanting advice….and wanting someone to cosign on your drama and nonsense. Don’t waste other people’s time by asking them about shit you know you don’t need to do.
*If you ask for advice, then listen with an open mind, ear and heart……if you already know what you are going to do, then do that. No need to do the polling.
*Consider whether the person REALLY wants the truth. If not, simply listen and let them do what they want. Especially if it will vex your spirit.
* Give advice; not directions. Advice is voluntary. The person doesn’t have to take it. (Side Note: You don’t have to cast your pearls (of wisdom) to swine. Don’t keep repeating yourself to someone hardheaded.)
*Handle people’s hearts with care and kindness. For some people, it takes a great deal of courage to talk to someone. Even if you think they are biggest fool known to mankind, handle them with the same care that you wanted for yourself when you were a fool. Remember the song: Everybody plays the fool….you are no exception to the rule.
Are you ready for THE BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE, regardless of giving and receiving?
NEVER SPEND MORE TIME/EFFORT TRYING TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THOSE OUTSIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAN YOU DO WITH YOUR BOO! If you are talking to others, in quality and in degree, more than you are talking with your significant other then you are strengthen your relationship with those people…..and you are, most likely, weakening the very bond you are trying to strengthen.
At the end of the day, when it is all said and done, it comes down you and your boo.