I have no lie to tell……I come from royalty. Seriously. The women in my family are Queens. And my grandmother and her sisters were Queen Mothers. They are/were beautiful, funny, intelligent—AND VERY OLD SCHOOL!! Let me just say that this is both a blessing and a curse!! It is a blessing when I listen to music…whooooo Lawd! Earth Wind and Fire and Teddy P. sho’ nuff sound good to me!
It is a curse when I go out to the club with my girlfriends. On the real, a part of my upbringing will not allow me to do two things: 1.) Ask a man to dance (WTH?) or 2.)Go out in droves on the dance floor with my girlfriends so we can dance together (WTF?). So I mostly get stuck guarding the pocketbooks. I am definitely an old school hold out on this one. Some %$#@ my pride won’t let me do. I know….I know….I know….but you just don’t understand. Here are some philosophies I can run off verbatim:
1.) Women never call a man. His fingers aren’t broke.
2.) Women don’t ask men out on dates. Your job is to flirt so that he will ask you. He’s the hunter.
3.) NEVER chase after a man. He will run…and if you chase after him in lingerie, he will sleep with you THEN RUN!
As I have reflected on the bi-polar dynamic that I encounter in trying to date or have a relationship in modern times I am able to see this dynamic very clearly in those of my generation as well. I recently had a conversation with a male friend who I must admit is very forward thinking about women and equality. His dilemma? He likes her BUT she has a colorful past in which she has slept with quite a few men (never mind that he has buried his fair share of bones himself). My friend wasn’t sure he could look beyond this if he ever decided to marry her. In other words, he wanted the Virgin for a wife. Not the Whore. Hhhhhhhhhmmmmmm….I wonder if some of these modern women out here are aware that some men are very modern when it comes to sex…..just not marriage. Wow…! That ol’ double standard.
This Old School vs. New School dynamic doesn’t just apply to dating. The same power struggle comes through in marriages. Are women the bread winners? Are men the nurturers? How are household chores and child-rearing divided? Who makes the final decision about money?
Now, I am certainly not advocating that we go completely back to Old School ways as I have no plans no time soon to be fixing a man his plate like Celie from the Color Purple–unless one of his limbs is broken. But I will say that the clearly defined gender roles of the Old School make it easier for courtship expectations and, sometimes, no matter how modern we get we can’t escape our family’s teaching and traditions. And it sneaks up on us at the oddest times…..
Soooooooooo….I have resolved myself that dating and marriage may be a little difficult for us than previous generations…..therefore, we must have more patience with other as attempt we drag ourselves and our families into the 21st Century of Love and Relationships.
Please pray for me……… 🙂