Listen Up

By Nick Campbell:

In dating there is a little trick you can do to avoid drama: Listen. Now you might be saying “oh that’s easy” right? Well, listening is an acquired skill. It gets deeper too, because once you begin listening to people better, you also start learning how to read between the lines. It’s true that we all put our best foot and best face forward when courting someone. It’s only a matter of time when people will stop being polite and start being real. We’re all aware of that, but we also know that relationships can sometimes grow while being unaware of key things. People you encounter may or may not reveal these things. For example, the fact that they aren’t ready to settle down just yet. Or maybe it’s their career that’s in transition right now, or they are possibly unemployed. If they are honest enough to be up front about this in the beginning, great! But for those who wont, how could you tell? How would you be able to gauge what you’re about to get into? Is there a failsafe way to avoid this? Probably not, but if you listen carefully to people, there lies your answer.

In conversation you catch little gems that people drop. A perfect example of one: That baby mama who is ripping into a baby daddy about their issues, or why they broke up. Listen to the tone! Do you hear anger? Or do you hear someone who is over the situation and has moved on? Because anybody still salty about their ex, whether it’s a child’s mother/father or not is a sign of an emotionally unavailable person. If they are still arguing with a sense of hostility or passion, they are not quite over it yet. Or if you notice a man is anxious to forge a relationship with your kids, but you notice his own children aren’t in the picture, that’s an obvious yellow light. The sum of all this is basically to listen carefully to what people reveal to you. It holds many clues to who they are! It’s not a guarantee because people can be quite slick, but it can help you to avoid the pitfall of being played. Why wait until a year has passed to find out someone is shady? They probably showed you who they were a long time ago… To quote Maya Angelou: “If someone shows you who they are, believe them” 

Till next time TRP!

~Nic

About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!

  • People confuse hearing with listening. Just because you hear what someone is saying doesn’t mean you’re listening to them.

    Listening is comprehending what the other person is saying – much more than simply hearing the words coming out of their mouth.