Why Am I Single?

Dear TRP,

I usually am not one to disclose my personal business but I have been troubled as of lately.   In the past I have made some not so good choices in men I’ve seen it all trust me. But now I am at the point where I’m ready to have someone in my life to settle down with and I seem to be at a standstill point of meeting people. I am very active and very fulfilled , I also have alot going for myself : I’m a  36 years young healthy, no kids, no drama, educated and continuing my education, fun loving, down to earth woman who can cook a meal, watch sports and has a remarkable sexual pallet and most of all I strongly believe in the Creator. I don’t come with baggage from previous relationships and I believe that Black Men are Spectacular!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, with all this, why am I still single? And why do I run into Men who have emotional baggage, who can’t appreciate a loving woman instead they run at the first sign of emotion. Or is it that I live in South Florida where every man wants Barbie and every woman wants to know the size of his wallet? I’m ready to import from another area, state, hell another country at this point. HELP!


Basee’s Response

You run into these men because you are where they are!

Not every man in Sth. Florida wants Barbie, go into any supermarket, mall, cinema and there are enough there with fleshy women to prove that. (I’ve spent enough time and interest in noticing it in Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach and other area’s)

I don’t know you so I have no idea what you present when faced with men who are attracted to you.

How a woman carries herself, not just what she’s wearing, but her gait, expression and overall aura, is a huge factor when men make the decision to approach one.

Where you go, determines the kind of people you meet. Who you know also makes a difference in social networking. How you meet people is another factor. Unfortunately not everyone is truthful, so you have to be discerning when it comes to that initial meeting. Asking appropriate questions and deciphering answers is a skill that needs to be developed in order to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

The reason you are single is pretty simple. You want to be. Subconsciously it’s easier to be single than to put in the effort it’s going to take to change that situation. There’s a difference between ‘I want to be IN a relationship’ and ‘I WANT a healthy, solid relationship’.

What I read from your letter was… ‘what’s wrong with me?’ you point out all the things that you think a man would want from a woman and then use an example of something that I guess, is not you, Barbie; as an explanation as to their preference. I hear disgruntlement and desperation. You said you strongly believe in the Creator, yet you don’t seem to be satisfied to wait on Him. You can’t have it both ways.

Relax! Being single is a time for personal growth, a time to explore; be creative in that process.

  • If you enjoy something, go to a group where there are like minded people. You will increase your chances of meeting someone who may appreciate you.
  • Stop focussing on being single and start celebrating the person you are. If you appear happy with you, someone else will want to know what makes you so happy.
  • Be clear in your mind what you want and understand that it may not be as bountiful as what you don’t want, so you will have to be patient.
  • Just because you don’t have any baggage doesn’t mean others don’t, but they need love, compassion and companionship just like you do.
  • Allow men to see who you are, through their eyes, at their pace. If the pace isn’t quick enough for you, that’s your issue not theirs.
  • Accept the consequences of your boundaries. You can’t have a tick list and complain that men are not measuring up, it’s there because it’s what you want, so you have to wait until someone comes along that does measure up and not worry about the ones who don’t.

Lastly,  “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude”  Zig Ziglar  (American motivational Speaker and Author. )


Basee Saka

About BaseeSaka

has written 156 post in this blog.

Having experienced most relationship issues, from dating, cohabiting and parting ways, to long distance relationship, ‘near misses’ and heartbreak; I feel that my years have been filled experiences. Experiences that I am inclined to describe as positive. You can email her at: basee@relationshipplaybook.com

  • Wow! This is probably the best response to this question that I’ve ever read. Made me feel better as well.