Take Your Time, Do it Right

By Nick Campbell:

Sex on the first date, a sign of the times? Or is that the standing philosophy of the dating pool? We all know it happens, and the reasons for it happening can vary. Ok, despite all that, could this be a big reason why people are having trouble maintaining meaningful relationships? Possibly, or it could also signal a shift in the mentality in our generation. So how do we take our time and what defines doing it right? As always, I don’t try to reinvent the wheel. But it was worth discussing.

Does “holding out” really help in the beginning?

The prospects of someone getting with you or not typically won’t change based on sex. That’s how much our culture has shifted when it comes to sexuality. In older times sex wouldn’t be in the equation. But it is now, and most men and women alike, will include sex in making long term choices. Consider this:

“I do not think it does because if you tease a person too much, they can wind up straying to get what they are in need of at that moment because they cannot get it from their primary source. It could back fire very easily” –Desmond

I believe it does, I think guys have more respect for a woman when he has to wait. If you giving it to him way to easy, he gone be thinking about how many others you let hit that quick. You can build a relationship but it’s gonna be hard getting him to trust and respect” -Littlebit

Some men don’t mind waiting, but what irks us to no end, is the classic fallacy: “wait we can’t do this on the first date” and then on the very next date, 2 days later, they give it up. Does this sound familiar?

Very familiar indeed is the concept of “Oh if I don’t sleep with him TONIGHT” he won’t think I’m a whore. Epic fail.. Reason being that whether you do it or not, isn’t what will dictate what a man decides to do as fas as getting with you officially or not. It’s a hidden little secret that many women don’t know just yet.

“First date vs 5 months later…my body, our decision. No timeline but if I don’t want too, I won’t.”-Michelle

“Or there’s alot of women who say…Lets take our time! You may think they are good and have you waiting for sex! But meanwhile they having sex with an ex or friend with benefits!!! SMH-John

So surely we all understand there is no set time limit on when sex happens or doesn’t happen. But there are many who feel you aren’t official if you aren’t intimate. Sign of the times? Or, are they justified in thinking that?

Are they one and the same? Could be, or maybe that’s the shift of culture I was referring to earlier. The things that make a relationship in today’s times official, will heavily contrast older times. You had to do more and court a lot more to get on a sexual level back then. And of course marriage was always looming if you did. Now that’s not the case at all, again, not trying to reinvent the wheel, but worth discussing.

“That’s what wrong with this generation, let’s get 2 know some1 first, talk about likes & dislikes, hobbies, find out if ur equally yoked, enjoy the company of that person, then u can go 2 the next step, if u both r on the same level!! think 1st before u leap!!!”-Valerie

In most cases being intimate does not make you guys official. True communication and mutual agreement is the only thing that makes you official.“-Nichelle


On the flip side of it, does being intimate with someone give you claim to being in a relationship with them? Some feel it does, is it justified? And who has this confusion the worse, men or women?

Not only do some feel justified in claiming you in a relationship, but the fact that sex is involved will be the biggest piece of ammunition. Remember, things may be different in today’s times, but people love to revert back to the old school way of thinking if it will suit them and their point of view. It’s the one thing I notice about this particular topic…

“Women & men think of intimacy differently”-Abby

“Our biggest failure and the root of most of our issues is separating sex and intimacy – they weren’t meant to be separated.”-Michele

This was an interesting discussion today about a very common topic in the dating community. I hope you enjoyed and got something from it!

Till next time TRP!!


Nicholas Campbell

About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!