By: Nick Campbell
By now I’m sure we’ve all encountered a hero in our lifetime. It might have been a parent, grandparent, or a pastor. Whoever it may be there is that special person who had a huge impact in your life. They may have kept you from going down the wrong path, or encouraged you to pursue something positive that is paying off to this day. This is all great and should be celebrated. But what about in relationships? Something known as the “White Knight” syndrome in psychology terms, has had a tremendous effect on people. You’ve known someone stuck in a bad relationship because they are trying their hardest to “save” them. Or the reason some people find themselves attracted to down and out people. The impulse to want to save them from themselves is perfectly normal. It’s a trait in most humans to care about others. But where it gets unhealthy is when people’s lives get shattered behind trying to be the “hero”
Do you or someone you know have a problem with always trying to save someone?
At some point we all need a little help when life overwhelms us, I’m sure anyone can see that. But how do you know when you’re crossing the line between being a friend or partner, and the line of being a savior to someone. Or being the hero? Both can attract someone to you, but eventually this can cause a glitch in the matrix. Here’s how: You fullfil that temporary emotional patch, but once that wears off then what? If you don’t attract them on your own terms what are you left with? The unneeded hero..
No one can be “rescued” I’m sure we can agree on that. But what do you feel drives the impulse of wanting to save someone from themselves?
Again, playing the role of someone’s savior: Can it work? Can anyone truly be “rescued”?, our emotions tell us yes but our logic knows better. That logic has seen the people who go thru one unhealthy relationships after another. Why? Because no one can be saved from the drama if they don’t want to be saved. So it’s up to that individual to take it upon themselves to get their act straight. So what makes you think you’ll succeed in getting someone to change their ways? If you try to do it for them you’ll see the resulting drama..
Sometimes being a rebound is the easiest way to end up playing the hero to someone. But to avoid that, would you hold off on a relationship if it’s too soon? Even if it felt right at the time? How would you handle that?
The rebound is always the most at risk of being the unwitting “hero”. That’s due to timing because when you come into a new relationship with someone fresh off of an old one, everything you do will shine that much more. It’s human nature to think so. But if that person is merely the “anti” whoever your ex is, it doesn’t mean they are the answer. Sometimes there might be some issues that you need to work thru prior to moving on to someone else. And if you don’t tread carefully on this, that new person you met can end up being the rebound and consequentially the hero..
If you find that a new partner is only attractive to you because they’re merely the “anti” ex, you might want to ask yourself if the hero syndrome applies. Ask yourself: Would I still be feeling this person even if they were similar to my ex?
This could be the most confusing aspect of the hero syndrome. How do you tell that what you’re experiencing is unique and not just a rebound? Does that person bring something unique to the table? Is it special? Could they make you feel that way even if they had some similar qualities to your ex? If they can bring that individually in despite of you having a bad experience in the past, that’s a good sign it’s real. Something to consider and to help separate the two.
Till next time TRP!