Getting to Know You

When getting to know a person we want to know certain information. Depending on the type of relationship that will be built, the information may change.
Names are a bone of contention at times, if you meet a person of the same sex and your relationship is to be a social one, there doesn’t seem to be any problem with the name given so long as it’s recognisable (otherwise, you might forget it) However, if embarking on a courtship, many people like original names right from the start. Some people don’t like to give original names until they are comfortable with the new person. Deception or protection? You decide.

So now we’ve settled on a name, what else do we want to know? Occupation! Why? Because we want to know if the person is in gainful employment, if the relationship is a platonic one, will this person be able to go along to social events? If it’s emotional, will this person be able to contribute financially to the relationship?

We know that in this economic climate, job losses are high and income is at a premium, has the person fallen foul to the economic crisis? Have they been unable to hold a job? Do they work for themselves? Are they at school improving their chances of making a living? What a person does for a living is often interpreted as mindset, is that fair? Maybe not, but we do have to have something to formulate opinion on when deciding who to invite into our lives.

Where we live, or want to live. A person who has in the back of their mind that they don’t want to stay where they are, will probably make moves at some point. If you are considering this person as a possible mate, would you be willing to be supportive of that move and go along? If it’s social or platonic, having some local to you would benefit any friendship that might ensue.

Do they have children? You may not want to get involved with a person who already has children, it’s a valid preference and worth knowing from the beginning. Do they want children? You might be okay with the existing children but want a few of your own, is that likely to be a problem later? They might not want children at all, do you? If it’s a platonic thing it might come in useful for carpooling and sharing school runs and little league practice runs.

What is the domestic situation regarding accommodation? If the relationship is social/platonic it might not make much of a difference either way. If it’s emotional, at some point you are going to want to spend time together in each other’s space. Is this going to be a problem? Single parents often are not happy to introduce new ‘friends’ to the home because of not wanting to confuse the children. Single women may be cautious too because of the safety issue. Single men also can be nervous inviting a new woman to their home because of ‘issues’ that may arise.

There is also the notion that men living with parents show a lack of maturity or responsibility, room mates get in the way or can present a problem with infidelity.

When meeting a person or getting to know a person ensure you find out what you need to know according to the relationship you want to have. Felonies, marital status, health status are all information that needs to be put on the table early to avoid tough decisions later on. If your own emotional relationship hinges on certain information, get that information early so you can make your exit without causing unnecessary hurt.



About BaseeSaka

has written 156 post in this blog.

Having experienced most relationship issues, from dating, cohabiting and parting ways, to long distance relationship, ‘near misses’ and heartbreak; I feel that my years have been filled experiences. Experiences that I am inclined to describe as positive. You can email her at: