Dear Relationship Playbook
A couple of times there have been questions regarding LDR’s. Often people disregard them as being futile. I suppose I was one of the same mind. I have a few friends that have been involved in a LDR and they seemed to be able to maintain communication and visits a few times a year. Being a physical kind of individual I couldn’t see how it worked. No sugar for months at a time? what if mother nature came in the middle of a visit? How do you get past wondering if the other person is abstaining the way you are? Didn’t make sense to me. Yet here I am, slap bang in the middle of said relationship and it’s not that bad! in fact, as much as the physical isn’t there, I don’t seem to be dying… and I don’t feel the need to go throw down the nearest full dicked brotha out there. So could all the people in LDR’s please stand up and let those who don’t know it personally, get an idea of what it’s like and how it works for you?
Long Distance Relationships are a different animal when it comes to relationships, but with more people using the internet as a means to meet people, LDR’s are becoming more commonplace. Just like any relationship, they are what you make them out to be. I’ve been in a few LDR’s – in fact my very first one was an international LDR for a few years when I was in high school, so I know all too well the challenges that come with being in one.
There are benefits to a LDR – mainly it forces you to talk and communicate with the person. Generally speaking those in LDR’s are generally better “friends” than those that are not. Nowadays, you meet someone and end up getting some ass within the first couple of weeks and when that happens, the talking decreases while the sex increases. Instead of “let’s sit up and talk all night”, it’s “let’s talk just long enough to have sex and then go to sleep”. You don’t deal with those temptations in a LDR. A LDR also forces you to trust someone. Sure you can stay up all night wondering if they have a local piece of ass, but what would be the point? Even if you two were in the same city, they could have another local piece of ass. If you can’t help but to worry about things like that then a LDR isn’t for you.
Because you two don’t see each other often, you typically don’t take time physically together for granted, so when you see each other – IT’S ON! The two of you move and stain every piece of furniture in the house, and when you do decide to “come up for air” you usually don’t waste time playing the “What do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do?” game. You just get out and do something – together.
You don’t worry about the typical, annoying “little” things – pissy toilet seats, hair in the sink, make-up all in your sheets, etc. You ignore all that stuff and treat every encounter as a “new” one, so you don’t argue about all of that BS. LDR or not, you shouldn’t be arguing about that petty stuff anyway, but that’s a discussion for another day.
The major challenge with a LDR is the distance itself – we’re physical beings.
Telling you how my day went over the phone is cool, but it isn’t the same thing as looking you in the eye and telling you in person.
Kissing you via Skype isn’t the same as feeling your lips.
Holding the phone isn’t nearly as satisfying as holding your hand.
Phone sex is good, but real sex is so much better.
The list goes on and on.
The distance creates a void and honestly, you REALLY don’t know who you’re with in a LDR because that void causes people to act differently. There are some that will be more “needy” than they normally are because of the void, and there are some that’ll be more distant. There are some that will be more “romantic, sweet, and loving” because of the void, and there are others that will be “mean, and crabby” because of it. People act in all kinds of strange ways that are outside of their norm when there’s a void in their life, & they’re missing you, etc. You’re typically on a constant emotional roller coaster in a LDR and it’s draining. That’s a lot for anyone to maintain long term.
That’s why personally I believe for any LDR to work long term, there needs to be a plan in place to end the “long distance” portion of the relationship. That doesn’t mean as soon as you meet someone, say, “OK, one of us needs to move in 3 months”. But what it does mean is that if both of you know you’re not going to move, then what’s the point? More often than not, one or both of you is going to get tired of being part time lovers. There are exceptions – some people just prefer the distance, but those type of situations are rare.