In Search of Perfection

By Nick Campbell:

Are we in search of perfection? In today’s vain society you can’t deny there is an element of superficialness when it comes to dating. I concede that most people are not the least bit superficial when it comes to appearance or aspirations. But what about the ones that are? This day was for them. We took a look at the idea of the perception that is perfection. What is perfect to you? To some it could be the hard body, and to others it could be the career aspirations of a person. You’d be surprised how people define manhood or womanhood. I had a woman once question my manhood because I wasn’t privy to doing barbecue grills. Little did she know I was raised by my Italian grandmother and that pastas and seafood was the primary dishes in our household. In any case my manhood was in question. And I’ve heard men shoot down otherwise good women because they had stretch marks from giving birth, or the fact that they were unemployed. So sometimes when we nitpick at others, it can be confused with not settling for less. But what about being reasonable and fair? Is it fair to expect a woman who has given birth to not have stretch marks? Or in this economy is it fair to expect everyone to be have a job right now? What’s reasonable? We discussed some scenarios to see if there is indeed a difference in being reasonable and settling for less. We also discussed what perfection means to some, and what some people are willing to part from. We challenged the theory that most people aren’t superficial by displaying some good looking individuals and asked if they would expect that a mate would have all the qualities they desire. Below is today’s discussion about “Perfection” (or the lack thereof)

What comes to mind when you think of the perfect mate?

This is a very universal concept and different folks will have different strokes for this question. We all see “perfection” in different ways. I see it as not too hot and not too cold. Right down the middle, and can this apply in a relationship to me. For example, a woman who knows how to have fun and be carefree when called for. But at the same time knows when it’s time to be serious and can handle business. It’s all relative, but here are some examples of other readers views: “The one that suits you best” “A consistent, considerate, concerned communicator” “Honesty caring and understanding.” So as you can see it can vary by individual.

Why do some people equate being “reasonable” about their standards to “settling for less”? What are your thoughts on that?

We’ve all heard the term “I don’t settle for less” but why does that seem to get equated with just being reasonable about our expectations? Isn’t it possible to understand that I can’t “reasonably” expect to find a Halle Berry lookalike who has a great career, is a great cook, a freak in bed who loves to go to NBA games or watch “1000 ways to die” while having some beer. But if I loosen up that expectation and understand that I might not find every single thing I desire, but more likely a couple of things, is that settling? However, has “Tracey” puts it: “What’s reasonable to you, may be settling to ME.” Now how real is that? You can see why this a topic that is so open for debate…

Fellas, what is the likelihood of getting this WITH a law degree, humble, a good cook, freak in the sheets ETC ETC. Are you being “reasonable” on your expectations? Or are you settling for less if you don’t get this?

Going back to our earlier question, what is a reasonable expectation? Can a man really expect to find all of these generally desirable qualities, AND have her look like this? Just something to ponder, there is no right or wrong answer. Because if you feel that you can, then more power to you and good luck with that. And if you don’t that’s not a problem either.

And of course…Ladies, are you passing on men with great “husband” qualities because they don’t look like this? Are you likely to find what you NEED and have this at the same time? Are you settling for less if you don’t?

And again, if you’ve passed on good men because they didn’t look like this it begs the question of: are you being reasonable? I hear a lot of women complain about a lack of “quality” men, but then I probe further to find out it’s because they weren’t in shape (even though the women complaining sometimes isn’t either) or they don’t have a pearly white grill, or maybe they aren’t tall, you name it. So it all goes back to reasonable expectations. But again, there is no right or wrong answer. It’s always a matter of preference.

Basically, perfection does exist. It exists in our own preferences. If you speak to any married person they are likely to tell you that they have found their perfection. If you keep a reasonable expectation, you’re likely to find a great and quality mate at some point in your life. But until then be open to giving people a chance with only a good heart being the pre requisite and not a sculpted body if you can!

Until next time TRP!


About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!