If You Don’t Know Me By Now

By Nick Campbell:

I have been knowing this guy for about 10 years and I don’t understand the things he say nor do. I will make it short and to the point. He questions me about who and what I am doing. When I told him I am not with just having sex, he told me he was not into seeing other people and that I was the only person he has been with. He continues to say it is not just sex; so, I asked well what is it?

He told me companionship! To me when I think of the word COMPANIONSHIP I think FRIENDSHIP. I told him he forgot one word with benefits. I said this because of the word he used. I don’t know if I am reading to much into this or not. I have just thought of not talking to him anymore and just walking away.

Nic’s thoughts:

I think I understand what your concern is, although you’ve been with this guy for quite a while, you don’t want to continue under those conditions. But let’s look at the word companionship. It’s not a dirty word in relationships. Companionship is a benefit that comes with the territory of being in a long term relationship.

However, if companionship is all a person wants, that equates to “I’m just with you to fill in time”. No Bueno… But I’m a little lost on how a person could be with you 10 years and not have an understanding of where he wanted to end up. It’s not something automatically known on the first date, or even in the beginning of a relationship. But 10 years seems a bit long to not know. So it sounds like NOW is the time for him to make a solid decision of where wants to be.

As far as the questioning of what and who you’re doing? Well, there could be a few things triggering that behavior. I won’t speculate on what they are, but not having a clear sense of WHO you guys are is a clear one. When you can be confident someone is with you in the realest sense, the mind doesn’t have to wonder about they are doing. That’s something the both of you can resolve through better communication and reassurance.

So what can you do?

At this point it sounds like you’ve both assured each other (at least verbally) that you’re not fooling around, and that sex isn’t the main focus. Before you call it quits, I’d recommend giving him the chance to have a talk about where he wants things to go in regards to your future. Of course you’re input and effort is going to be a part of the conversation as well. I think you realize it’s time to either double down, or fold. The choice is yours!

Hope that helps..

Best of luck!


Nicholas Campbell

About Nick Campbell

Nick Campbell has written 163 post in this blog.

A modern day gentleman who loves to explore all aspects of relationships and discuss problems this new generation faces in love. Born and raised in the Bay Area, well traveled and cultured. Single Dad, tech connoisseur and news junkie. Drop a line if there is something you'd like discussed!