Let’s Talk About Sex

We can often be found enjoying conversation about having sex, positions, frequency, quality and even quantity when it comes to size and depth, width, length and whatever else comes to mind. But do we actually look at our attitudes with any kind of thought?

Can sex be categorized?

Take away Good and Bad as categories, and we’re left with, casual sex, love making, physical release and more distastefully un-consentual sex. Not everyone is in love when they have sex. Not every is in favour of cut buddies. Not every finds faceless one night stands appealing. Not everyone; but some do, some people are able to compartmentalize the sexual activity they are involved in and separate it from emotion.

Does the existence or non existence of sex in a relationship, define that relationship?


In a word yes! The type of sex you are having does define a relationship. Casual sex/casual relationship.  Intimate sex/intimate relationship. If you are not having sex then the relationship is either platonic or asexual in that the relationship is not based around sex. Some relationships that start off being physical, find it difficult to transfer to a relationship that is based on mutual understanding and compassion. However, the opposite is not generally the case for platonic relationship as sex becomes a natural progression when two people find that intimate bond before embarking on a physical relationship.

Women are said to be ‘giving it up’ when they have sex. If she is the instigator is she still ‘giving it up’ or is she taking?

Still a very debateable issue even in 2011. Neither women or men can agree on what is acceptable behaviour from a woman when it comes to sex. Increasingly we are hearing that it’s up to the woman, the main issue being that she is protected from a communicable infection and unwanted pregnancy. Outside of that her sexual behaviour should be her decision and hers alone. Being prudent about the partners you choose might help to maintain a level of dignity.

So where do we draw the line between a woman who is confident and competent and likes her sugar regularly and a woman with low self esteem who sleeps around?


You can’t! Many women, especially will say that a woman who has multiple sexual partners or is promiscuous, does so because of some underlying self esteem issues, unresolved issues from her childhood or other emotional imbalance. On the other hand the women themselves will say, choice is the only reason behind the behaviour. Why do they do it? Simple. Because they can!

Where do we get our attitude to sex from?

Most of us men and women alike will attribute our attitudes and perceptions to any or all of four main places.

  1. Parents
  2. Church
  3. Social Media
  4. Friends

There really isn’t much to add to that. Other than, do we continue to perpetuate antiquated ideology about a changing society? Do we allow society to dictate to us what our moral standing should be, and how effective is the blind leading the blind. The church is biased in it’s views and not everyone is a believer.

More conversation, more challenging, more personal evaluation is the only way to address sex in a healthy manner.




About BaseeSaka

has written 156 post in this blog.

Having experienced most relationship issues, from dating, cohabiting and parting ways, to long distance relationship, ‘near misses’ and heartbreak; I feel that my years have been filled experiences. Experiences that I am inclined to describe as positive. You can email her at: basee@relationshipplaybook.com

  • Mary

    The only thing I will say about this topic is this, whose damn business is it anyway what a woman, or any other person does anyway? That is what should be getting addressed whenever this argument, as well as so many more items of interest that people are always crying about.

    I have never in my life understood why these arguments even exist at all much less why people are so damn emotional about how they feel concerning the topic, well I will even say, no matter what the topic may be.

    Because as far as I’m concerned, unless your side of the argument is “Go away, shut the hell up, it isn’t any of your damn business what anyone else besides you is doing EVER, so go get a life and find something constructive to do, because obviously you are a no life havin’ looser that has nothing better to do than be in every else’s business. Obviously you are a hater and are jealous because other people have actual thoughts, ideas, and needs of their own, and all you are really concerned about is your hater ways with the only real goal being trying to push your agenda on others that do not agree in an attempt to try and make them angry, bitter haters just like you.”

    As far as I’m concerned if you take any other stance about anything that is in reference to how people should act, trying to push your BS for whatever reason, that is no argument at all.

    And obviously I am talking about anything any sane adult wants to participate in and does not involve the obvious foolishness like hurting others, sexually abusing others, forcing others to participate in what they like against that persons will, and obviously things involving minors that are illegal, immoral, or basically anything that would ‘damage’ the minor in any way.

    Things that consenting adults do, for fun, for play, in or out of the bedroom, or whatever is nobody else’s damn business. So why even argue about any of this stuff?