I met a person 5 yrs ago, he was In a long term relationship. We were friends only, during the course of time the girlfriend contacted me to inform me that he had developed feelings for me other than friendship. I was not really concerned since I had gotten out a bad relationship and was not interested. Things went on as usual, his girlfriend told him to choose between their relationship of 7 yrs and his friendship with me. He refused to make a choice.
Skip it ahead 5 yrs later I am now emotionally and mentally ready for a relationship. He states he is now single but feel that I have played games with his emotions for the last 5 yrs his patience is almost gone. He has been there for me through thick and thin. Knows the good the bad and the ugly.
In the past once he got to close I would back away for a few months and then return. I have notified him that I am NOT leaving that I want to try to work things out with him. He has about Zero trust in me. Due to my past behavior towards him.
I know my time is really coming to a close but have no idea how to fix it or to make it right with him. He is not making it easy for me at all. He told me tonight, his patience is almost done with me.
What advice would you give to fix it or make it right? I truly do care for him and he is my security blanket as well as my best friend. I tell him he is my compass. I will always find myself back to him.
I read this letter a few times and a few things came to mind.
- Trying to maintain a platonic relationship when you know the other has emotional feelings for you is unfair on them.
- Being unconcerned about that person’s feelings because it doesn’t match your own needs and wants is selfish, especially if that person is a consistent part of your life.
- Pushing a person away when they become clingy and then drawing them back to you when you need it, again is selfish
- Your own needs and want are not paramount in a relationship, it’s a two way street.
- Just because something is not to your liking, doesn’t mean it’s ‘broken’ and in need of fixing. Sometimes we have to accept it’s not for us.
- Regaining trust doesn’t happen overnight and it takes an awful lot of hard work, so him ‘not making it easy for me’ is acceptable.
- When you say that you care for someone, how you can enhance THIER life should be utmost in your mind. Not what they can do for you.
I’m not so sure you ARE emotionally and mentally ready for him. He probably thinks the same thing too. There is an old saying that goes something like, ‘if you love something let it go, if it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was. You may have dealt with any emotional trauma suffered from your previous relationship and you may have regained your self esteem and redefined yourself concept and that is a good place to be. Now you have to put him first, look at things from his perspective, lay yourself open before him and ask if you can try to build the kind of relationship that would benefit you both. It’s not a lost cause, you have history together; that may be enough to keep the flame alight. If it isn’t, you may have to accept that this man was in your life for a season and reason but not for a lifetime. Good luck!
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