I’m Lost

Dear Relationship Playbook

I been in a broken type relationship with my ex for a few months. I would ask him weekly for us to be in a relationship, a real one and he would deny me. He cares for me deeply and I love him. Every time I speak of dating someone new he cries. Recently I messed up… I slept with one of my girlfriends. He always would tell me that he loved my bisexual character. But, when I told him what I did, he was angry & sad. He told me I betrayed him and he’ll never trust me again. I know we r not together and I really didn’t cheat, but I hate that I hurt him. So, a few questions I need help with… I can’t ask him cuz he refuses to speak with me. Was I wrong for sleeping with her? Does he have any reason to really be upset? & What can I do to at least keep him as my best friend? I’m so lost. It feels our 3yrs may really be over. P.s. sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors. Its hard to type through pain.

Basee’s Response

Starting with your questions-:

  1. Was I wrong for sleeping with her? – Yes. No ifs, ands, buts or maybes! It is ‘really cheating’, anything you can’t do with your mate and share the experience openly, is cheating. Just because it was a girl, makes no difference.
  2. Does he have any reason to really be upset? – Yes, you cheated. Just because he ‘says’ he loved your ‘bisexual character’ doesn’t mean he wants you to continue that behavior while you are with him.
  3. What can I do, to at least keep him as my best friend. – Friendship is a two way arrangement. You can’t ‘keep’ him as anything if he doesn’t want to. Right now he’s upset. What you want isn’t a priority.

‘I would ask him weekly for us to be in a relationship, a real one’ – Why were you asking weekly? You made your feelings known and stated how you would like the relationship to progress. If or when he was ready to move into the next level, he would let you know. Repeatedly asking may raise flags for him. ‘Every time I speak of dating someone new he cries.’ – If you’re done, you’re done. He’ll get over it. He doesn’t want you but he also doesn’t want anyone else to have you.  You are succumbing to emotional blackmail.

I would suggest that neither of you are ready to be in a ‘real’ relationship. If you are prepared to sleep with someone else, then I would question your commitment. If he is reluctant to go to the next level, maybe he’s just ‘keeping you on warm’ simply because he can. It doesn’t sound like your ‘3yrs’ were particularly positive or nurturing; I really don’t see what you are losing other than ‘hope’. Make a decision, wait for him to get over his hurt and continue to live in ‘hope’ or take this opportunity to move on. Your feeling of being ‘lost’ is because what is familiar to you has changed or about to become non-existent. This is not all together a bad thing. The opportunity to develop yourself, and move forward into a better relationship with someone else, has arisen. I say take it!

If you have a dilemma that you would like explored, email  us on cruchtime@relationshipplaybook.com

Basee

About BaseeSaka

has written 156 post in this blog.

Having experienced most relationship issues, from dating, cohabiting and parting ways, to long distance relationship, ‘near misses’ and heartbreak; I feel that my years have been filled experiences. Experiences that I am inclined to describe as positive. You can email her at: basee@relationshipplaybook.com

  • Battlelc

    How is it cheating if he’s an ex? Now I’m “lost”.