By: Will Wavvy
The Relationship Play of the Day this week will be centered around The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is the best relationship book I’ve ever read and I’ve read tons of them. Trust me, if you understand and apply the principles in the 5 Love Languages you’ll have much better relationships, guaranteed.
The concept behind The 5 Love Languages is simple. We all have one of five primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch. If we speak to our partners in THEIR love language, not ours – then we’ll have much more satisfying relationships.
Today we’ll focus on Quality Time.
A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Two pwople sitting in the same room are in close prosimity, but they are not neccessarily together. togetherness has to do with focused attention. When a father is sitting on the floor, rolling a ball to his two-year old, his attention is not focused on the ball but on his child. For that brief moment, however long it lasts, they are together. If, however, the tather is talking onthe phone while he rolls the ball, his attention is diluted.
Similarly, a husband and wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the game but on the fact that they are spending time together. What happens on the emotional level is what matters.
Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. by quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
Quality conversation is quite different from the first love language. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing. If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say.
A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language, but learn we must, if we want to communicate love.
There is more to learn about Quality Time and your Play of the Day is simple. Go pick up a copy of The 5 Love Languages whether you go to a store or your local library and study the chapter on Quality Time.
Then ask yourself if that’s your partner’s Love Language and if so, in what ways can you speak that language to your partner.