For Better or Worse – Waiting

“For Better or For Worse” is a series of one woman sharing her story about dealing with infidelity in her marriage and why she chose to stay with her husband.  

By: Anonymous

By this point my hurt had been overpowered by rage. Smoke was practically coming out of my ears. I needed someone to talk to so I called my sister and asked her to come over. When she arrived I explained my findings like an prosecutor making an opening statement. I showed her everything (Exhibits A & B); the emails and the pictures (of course, she knew Suzanne as well). She looked at me in shock, she was just as surprised as I was. I didn’t expect her to give me any advice I could use because I’ve always been the level headed one. She’s smart and an excellent judge of character, but she’s very impulsive which does not make for a good emergency therapist.

When I asked her opinion she surprised me.

She suggested I take it slowly and not get carried away. She said I needed to confront him and find out the reasons why he was doing this. She said that regardless of what I had found she had never seen love like ours and that nothing, no matter how incredible it may seem, will come between us. I felt like smacking her upside the head. I didn’t want to hear that shit. She had never seen love like ours?! Well neither had I.

I had never seen love where one repeatedly steps out and fucks someone else. Nothing will ever come between us?

HELLLLOOO, meet Suzanne!

Since I didn’t feel like listening to anymore of my sister’s twisted reasoning I put her to good use and asked her to drive the kids to my Mom’s for the night. They often spent the night there so it was nothing out of the ordinary. I needed some space to sort out all this newly discovered information. My hard drive was on overload. I knew my husband would be home in a few hours and I hadn’t decided how I was going to deal with him yet. I couldn’t trust myself to be civilized, so I was glad the kids were out of the house. I didn’t want them there in case shit really hit the fan. I was hoping I could remain calm enough to have a mature discussion. I really wanted to understand all of this, but I knew that there was nothing that could explain it.

How do you explain having been with another woman to your wife?

He couldn’t play the “I’m not getting what I need from you card”. He was getting exactly what he needed from me. After reading those emails, he couldn’t play the “It didn’t mean anything” card. Obviously it meant something; otherwise he wouldn’t have taken his time to make her think it did. I couldn’t come up with a fathomable explanation and I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste energy questioning myself.

I might not have been perfect, but I was good enough not to have deserved this.

The evening had arrived. It had been one of the longest days of my life.

My husband had called to see if I had gotten home from work yet. I told him I wasn’t feeling well so I took the day off and sent the kids to my Mom’s.  He said he’d be home shortly and I told him I’d be waiting. I was still trying to figure out ways to approach him. I didn’t want to give away my findings so quickly because I didn’t want him to know how much I actually knew. I wanted to see him squirm with uncertainty. I knew he was going to lie, I just wanted to see how far he was willing to go.

I had no problem with saying “you’re busted, you motherfucking piece of shit. Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house. Go be with your nasty ass ho’ who’s ran marathons around the block. If you keep fucking her long enough your dick will eventually rot and fall off, you fucking slimy leech”, but figured that wouldn’t be so effective.

I needed to calm down and control my anger, but every inch of me felt like clawing his eyes out.

I had a volcano erupting inside of me and with every minute that passed I felt the lava replacing the blood in my veins.

The waiting game

I sat and waited…

To be continued…

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.