“For Better or For Worse” is a series of one woman sharing her story about dealing with infidelity in her marriage and why she chose to stay with her husband.
Mr X. and I were both aware of what was happening and, although we knew it was wrong, we couldn’t stop. We had long conversations that started off about me or him and wound up being about us. We often wondered, “What If”. We knew that we weren’t going anywhere, but we accepted that and continued to live in our fantasy world. With Mr. X I cheated on another level.
He didn’t have to touch me literally because he touched me mentally and emotionally. The fact that I WANTED to be with him was enough for me. All I could do was think about this man and the things he would say to me. I had been empty for such a long time and he filled that void. In a short time he became part of me. In part this was a result of my husband’s cheating. Had it not been for that we would have never had the opportunity to get to know each other so intimately, but I take full responsibility for what happened between us and I don’t regret it. It was something that had to happen in order for me to get better. This man saw every inch of me inside and touched me in a way no other man has, not even my husband. He saw my soul, he understood me, and he knew me.
I had never opened up to anyone like that before and I felt liberated.
I tried to cut it off several times because I didn’t want it to go any further, but eventually I gave up and just opened myself up to the possibility of enjoying the vibe we had to the fullest. There was never any realistic intention of pursuing a relationship. He was single, but I was still VERY married. He was a part of my life, but not the reason why my marriage would end. If it were to end it would have been for other reasons. He was just part of a long process and if anything he added clarity to my situation. He made me face everything that I was feeling, good and bad. He was open, honest, realistic, loving, and accepting.
He was a man I grew to love and once I accepted that I realized that I needed to move on and let go. Where I was moving to and what I was going to let go is what’s surprising…