Wasted Love

Wasted Love?

‘If I fall for you, my feelings will have gone to waste!’

I overheard this statement recently. As I watched the couple at the table near me I wondered what could have prompted that statement.  She was pretty, very feminine looking, well presented and he was clean cut and professionally dressed. He wore no wedding band and she had an engagement ring on her finger.

Do feelings go to waste? How many of us have loved and lost? Was it better than having not loved at all? Let’s look at three elements.

  • Fall in love
  • Enjoy love
  • Lose love


What brings us to the point of feeling ‘LOVE’? Maybe it’s the way the person speaks, the passion in their voice, the way they make you feel in their presence or the way you feel when they are not in your presence.  Shouldn’t we embrace that? Sometimes there are physical but often times they are emotional or moral obstacles to work round. This is not to condone infiltrating existing relationships, just an understanding that these things happen.  So you find love, or love finds you and all is not well. You or they are not free to pursue a relationship, maybe you are free to do so emotionally in that you have ‘gotten over’ a past relationship, but your time is limited, for example, you may be on an extended holiday or on a work contract. It might be that the other person is in the throes of ending a relationship but is not quite free to embark on a new love interest. Despite this, you get carried away on a wave of endorphins. It feels good!


Caution has been thrown to the wind. Both parties are ‘on the same page’ every text, missed call, instant message is a reminder of that newness, that warm fuzzy feeling that goes with being the object of someone’s affection. Each conversation becomes a building block for an emotional relationship. Each brush of the hand, each touch, each embrace, each kiss… all deepening the feelings that are growing between the two people. BUT, there is a limit to how much love can be shared. Do you put boundaries in place as a buffer so that you don’t experience the hurt when it finally comes? Or do you cast yourself into wild abandon and embrace everything? Does ‘holding back’ benefit a situation like this? How does it affect the two people involved? One person is bound to be more hurt than the other. How do you ENJOY a love like this?


Walking away, saying goodbye. The pain is hard enough to deal with when a relationship comes to an end without virtually orchestrating it yourself. You know it is going to end, so is it easier to cope with? You are both still very much in love. However, you still feel that pain in your chest that intensifies as the moment of separation gets closer. You try to see if you could possibly extend the time. You try to see if there is a way it doesn’t have to end; grabbing at straws in a bid to delay that feeling of loss. Then all too soon, the love has come to the end of its road, the person who has filled your every waking moment is gone!

How could someone justify doing that to themselves?

We hear on a regular basis, ‘live each day as if it were your last’, and ‘carpe diem!’ Too often our decisions are based on what others have led us to believe, often missing out on experiences that help us to grow emotionally and strengthen mentally. We become afraid to hurt. If we think about the bad stuff that can happen before we open ourselves to love, we run in the opposite direction, simply because we are afraid of feeling the hurt.  If we don’t take the risk, how are we going to know what it feels like to love and be loved?, even for a short time. How are we going to learn that, the wounds of a lost love will heal? How are we going to learn that the good memories of being with a person are enough to help the healing process? As children we know the punishment for certain misdemeanours but make a conscious decision to do it anyway because of the fun factor. How many of us drinkers have consciously had a few too many knowing full well in the morning we were going to feel awful?

If we think that love can be wasted, is it because we think love is limited? Do we think that if we love for six months without a promise, that those six months of emotional intimacy were not valuable? I hear women saying, ‘I wasted a year with that man’ if there was no love, no happiness, no laughter and no dreams in that year… then yes, I’d agree, it was wasted. But just because it hasn’t culminated in betrothal, does it mean that the experience was not valuable? If you learn to drive and fail your driving test, was it a waste of time learning to drive?

Things are only wasted when there is nothing gained from their existence. The very concept of love brings with it a feeling of euphoria which burns calories. Feeling happy reduces stress levels and we all know what stress does to a body. Smiling uses up fewer muscles in the face and at the same time is contagious – smile at a few people and see how many smile back. Love might not yield your dream, but it will yield growth.


What do you think? Enquiring minds want to know. Leave a comment

If you have any questions email me:-  basee@relationshipplaybook.com

Being in Love – http://www.amazon.com/Being-Love-Awareness-Relate-Without/dp/0307337901/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1281457698&sr=1-2-fkmr0

About BaseeSaka

has written 156 post in this blog.

Having experienced most relationship issues, from dating, cohabiting and parting ways, to long distance relationship, ‘near misses’ and heartbreak; I feel that my years have been filled experiences. Experiences that I am inclined to describe as positive. You can email her at: basee@relationshipplaybook.com