By: Will Wavvy
Next to watching a woman dance (by dancing I don’t mean the basic finger popping, 2 step) – dirty talk is one of my favorite forms of foreplay. Although we’re in this modern era of “sexual liberty” – 80% of our sex lives takes place in our minds- many people still find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk about sex – especially talking dirty. Part of it is insecurity on your part – you don’t want to sound “dumb” or say the wrong thing. Another is you’re worried about insecurities from your partner – you wonder if you say or tell them to do something they don’t normally do that they’ll think they’re “not enough for you”.
More often than not, neither of them are the case and to help those that are unfamiliar with it, today we had “Dirty Talk 101” – the basics.
Tip #1 – Don’t talk technical, talk dirty.
I don’t care how many back flips you can do and how big your magic stick is, there is just no way to make “erect penis” or “lubricated vagina” sound sexy. In fact, it’s turn off. I remember one time I was letting my “fingers do the talking” and just as she was about to cum I said, “I love the way your lubricated vagina feels”. We both started laughing like crazy and she was like “Umm, Will you’re done”. I had to put in some work – a little – to get it back, but it was hilarious and shows that technical doesn’t work.
Tip #2 – Create a dirty talk “voice” and when your partner hears it, they’ll always associate it with sex.
It doesn’t matter if it’s low and deep… a breathy whisper… or high and squeaky. It can be your normal speaking voice or one from an alter ego – just find one that you’re comfortable with and use it only when you talk dirty. After a few dirty talking sessions, you’ll train your partner to associate that voice with sex and it doesn’t matter if you’re talking about groceries and PTA meetings – when they hear that voice they’ll be trying to get it in.
Tip #3 – Commentate. Tell your partner what they’re doing and how good it feels.
It feels great when you_______________
I love it when you_____________
Keep on __________
But keep the commentating short and sporadic. If you give a complete play-by-play of any and everything that’s going on, it kills the mood. It’s sex, not the evening news report.
Tip #4 – Q&A. An alternative to commentating is to ask questions.
No one wants to have to THINK of answers, so make sure that your dirty questions are simple and only require one/two word answers.
“Does it taste good?”
“You like the way I feel, don’t you?”
“Who’s is it?
You can take it to the next level, by asking the same question to intensify their response.
Me: “Who’s is it?”
Me: (louder): “Who’s is it?”
Her: “Yours daddy”
Me:(really loud): “I said, WHO’S IS IT?”
Her: “THIS IS YOURS DADDY”
Tip #5 – Non-verbal dirty talk can be just as dirty.
Try “Sexting” – sex via text message. You can let your fingers do the talking and let them talk you into a night of passion that you won’t forget. Remember a text is only 160 characters or less, so your messages must be short and creative.
Tip #6 – Don’t Eff it Up. Just because you’re talking dirty doesn’t mean everything is fair game.
The “Don’ts” are just as important and the “Do’s”. Although you’re talking dirty, you may think that nothing is off limits, but that isn’t the case – not even close. You can say or do some things that will ruin the mood. You don’t want a night of fun to end up opening up a can of worms in your relationship.
For example, don’t take it out of the bedroom. Just because she lets you call her a “dirty slut” in bed, doesn’t mean that it’s OK in public.
Speaking of “dirty slut”, another don’t is don’t disrespect her. Get approval for what you can say BEFORE you say it. Asking for forgiveness later instead of permission now is not smart when it comes to disrespect. Err on the side of caution. Ask before you say it.
Tip #7 – Have fun. It’s sex, not rocket science. Set the mood, don’t just “go in”. Have fun and be prepared to laugh.
While dirty talk is great while you’re actually having sex it’s even better if you use it as a form of foreplay. Take your time and let your words do all the work so that when it’s time to get physical his bulge is ripping a hole in his pants and she has the Hoover Dam in between her legs.
We laugh at all kinds of things – not just when we’re having fun. We also laugh when we’re nervous or afraid. You or your partner’s nerves can manifest itself into laughter – especially if dirty talking is something new to either one of you. Check your sensitivity at the door and realize that just because your partner is laughing doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying what you’re doing. In fact the overwhelming majority of the time it means the exact opposite.
Tip #8 – Practice makes perfect, and even if it doesn’t who cares.
The only way you’re going to get comfortable and better at dirty talking is to do it. It’s not something that is just going to “cum” (pun intended) to you, like most things in life, you have to work at it.
And even if you’re not a natural and have an Allen Iverson disdain to practice – remember you’re still having sex, so who cares how much you have to practice.
Following these basic steps and in no time you’ll be on your way to being your partners own personal phone sex operator.
We’ll have more advanced lessons later.