By: Tia Danae
Self-love is one of the most underrated, yet vital concepts in a person’s life. People tend to believe that the saying, “if you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else” is cliché.
Little do they realize that this is FACT.
I don’t care how many successful relationships you have had, what you define as happiness, or what you think love is. Until you love, appreciate, and understand yourself, you can never experience true love with someone else. How can you if you do not understand how to love? True love starts from within. Those who do not love themselves often engage in relationships that lead to insecurities. You may not have known they were there, or even if you did know, you were not ready to face them.
Often those who do not love themselves “need” romantic relationships in order to feel complete because they feel a void within themselves- self-love! I am telling you from my own experiences, when I was forced to re-evaluate my relationships and what went wrong, most of my issues were rooted from the fact that I did not love myself enough. I put the needs of others before focusing on my own. I accepted and condoned ridiculous behavior that I should not have for fear of being alone. It was not until I spent time alone reflecting on my decisions that I realized that my self-growth and love for myself had to improve for me to ever maintain healthy relationships.
For years I knew this to be true and every time I told myself I was going to take time out to focus on me, something else and/or someone else interfered and of course I put my own needs on the back burner. I convinced myself that it was no longer me that was the issue and that this relationship was different; but they all turned out the same.
Why? It wasn’t always him. There were just times that I allowed myself to become insecure and began doubting my worth.
As women often do, I became overly sensitive, defensive, and suspicious even without reason. And of course I found a way to blame my significant other and it was not until I reflected back on these experiences, that I realized I was my own worst enemy. I loved him MORE than I loved myself and that is a big NO NO. When or if it all falls down, all I have is myself to rely upon so if I don’t have faith within myself, how can I ever expect anyone else to?
Now I am at a point where I am not afraid to be alone. Relationships and companionship are amazing but I no longer depend on them to define my own happiness. I appreciate myself, focus on improving daily, and encourage others to do the same because there is no better feeling than realizing that true happiness comes from within. And when you truly love yourself, your attitude and mentality completely change for the better because you begin to realize and embrace your self-power.
You begin to realize that he isn’t making you insecure. You are giving him the power to make you feel that way.
I am not saying that women should not be hurt by others actions; I would be lying if I said self-love exonerates you from pain. Unfortunately those risks come with the territory, but if you do not allow others to intimidate or belittle you, half the battle has been fought because self-loathing often is instigated by outside forces.
Was it difficult for me to admit my own trials? Yes.
Am I embarrassed about some of the experiences I have gone through? Yes.
But dwelling on what I could have done differently will only get me but so far.
Focusing on understanding the lessons and taking active measures to improve behaviors for the future are the only ways to let go. And to be perfectly honest, men can sense when a woman is insecure and it’s either a turn off or an opportunity to take advantage of you. A worthy man will respect and appreciate the love you have for yourself because he knows confidence builds character.
Do I claim to know the key to every successful relationship? Absolutely NOT. There are various factors that contribute to different relationships so there is not one “formula” that every couple can/should use. But if you believe nothing else I say, please believe that until you realize that you are your own MVP, you will consistently end up riding the bench in the off season. And that’s nooo bueno!