Different Types of Dicks

 

By: Will Wavvy
Ever since we posted, The Different Types of Pussy, on our Face book fan page, there’s been some rumblings amongst the ladies wanting an article written about the different types of dicks.  I said if someone wanted to write it, I’d post it but I wasn’t going to do it because that ish is gay – for lack of a better word.  After a bunch of peer pressure – who would’ve thought adults still give in to it – I was going to unwillingly take on for the team, but luckily for me, MsMida Ander decided to step up.

Different Types of Dicks

MISERABLE DICK
When the guy is extremely handsome.  He says the right things, does the right things.  When it comes to sex, he is lacking in this department.  He sucks your tits too hard, kisses your mouth too long, stays around your neck forever, fingers you like a GYN Doctor, licks your pussy like he was in a track meet and has a very small dick.  You try to give him some head and only find that you are actually sucking a pacifier. This is so miserable. You think, “how can a guy so fine, so polite, have weak game?” To top everything off ladies, how about just when in your mind your going to try to get the best out of this, even if you have to make yourself c-u-m and he beats you to the punch.  DAMN, I cannot believe he came in 3 minutes!!!

TOLERABLE DICK
This is funny dick.  He eats major pussy.  He eats it so good, your knees feel a little weak.  It was good enough to make you shed a tear.  Then he puts his dick in, for you to realize that you cannot really feel it!! His stroke is irregular and non-rhythmic.  You work with it by riding out on it as if you were in a Wild Wild West Movie.  You hold your pelvic real tight and try to visualize the last big dick you had to get your mind off this less than filling dick.  It`s funny because in the man`s mind he`ll say, that we just have big pussy`s from having too much sex and that is why we cannot feel him.  Only for them to forget that the pussy is a muscle that accommodates the size of the dick.If she has had children already it will only shrink so much.

INTERNET DICK
Well, how would we define this type of dick? You see, online they talk a damn good game.  You meet and you fuck. The catch is you had an orgasm online, over the phone and a fake orgasm in person.  But, there are some Internet dicks that are exceptions to this definition.  Bottom line.  HE COULD NOT MAKE YOU C-u-m!!

OVERWHELMED DICK
I believe this dick, ladies we all can testify to.  Like, Whoa! This is the type of dick you misjudged. You saw some signs of weakness in this man. He always caters to you and really does not discuss what he can do in bed with you. When kissing him, you notice you make his knees weak.  You hold out on giving him some and tease him. You know what size dick he has because you have either A: Given him some mean-ass head, or B: Stroked it while he was wearing pants or boxers.  So, you thought in your mind, “I am going to pussy feed and whip him.” Only to find he laid the “SMACK DOWN” on your pussy.  He had you in a figure eight.  You were so overwhelmed that you could not even speak.  Your whole pre-calculated fuck was down the drain.  He had more game than you.  He was like an energizer bunny that kept going and going.  You could not even hang.  Now you look at him in a different light.

PUNISHABLE DICK
This is the dick that pisses me off the most.  You see, the guy you`re sleeping with punishes your pussy.  If he, had a bad or good day at work, “he punishes your pussy.” If he, had a good or bad meal, “he punishes your pussy.”  If he`s pissed off at you, “he punishes your pussy.” No matter what, “he punishes your pussy.”  It is easy to tell if the guy your with falls into this category.  He always uses phrases like these when he is fucking you:
“DON`T RUN FROM THIS DICK,”

“AIN`T THIS SOME GOOD DICK,”

“TELL ME YOU LIKE THIS DICK,”

“WHAT IS MY NAME,”
“WHOSE PUSSY THIS BELONGS TO,”
“I DON`T HEAR YOU TALKING SHYT NOW”

and finally, “YOU LIKE WHEN DADDY GETS THIS PUSSY AND WHIPS IT!”

While all this is being said, he is literally smacking your ass 4ucking your walls sore, sweat is dripping like it was raining and he acts like he is in a fight.

GUILTY DICK
Ladies who have cheated on their man temporarily can say, “AMEN” to this type of dick.  Ladies, this is the type of dick that makes you cry and confess to your man you fucked someone else.  The guilty dick made you want to tell everybody.  Guilty dick is in a class of it`s on. Guilty dick make you look and feel different about the dick you got at home.  Guilty dick made you have multiple orgasms.  Made you cry and you had no clue to why.  This dick is so intense, when it is being administered it sent you in a trance.  He has a slow long stroke, sweats on you, asks you if you`re comfortable about six times, you started at 6 PM and it is now going on 9 PM and he is not tired and has not com yet.  He licks on your pussy as if he was a baby cat licking warm milk, he savors it like you`re the main course meal, he smells it like fine wine and does not rush from the spot, he flips you over and begins licking your pussy from the back and your ass at the same time.  He takes his fingers and inserts them in your pussy and looks at you, offers you a taste and begins sucking the com off of his fingers.  By now you`re in shock and forgot all about your man.  You act as if you want him to stop, but the pussy is screaming for more.  He has at least two inches more than your man.  Guilty dick makes you think in your mind for a split second, “Oh Baby! I am sorry.”  When it`s ended you try to avoid, guilty dick.  When you`re back with your man, you`re wondering why he cannot perform like guilty dick.  You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct him to do what guilty dick did to you.

PLEASURABLE DICK
This is good convenient dick.  Easy dick. Dick you can call when your body needs a fix.  You might as well call it “SPLAKEVELLIE.”  He gives you major head like GUILTY DICK and sucks you like GUILTY DICK.  Only thing is, you do not have a man, so you`re not feeling guilty.  Whenever you call the dick is ready.  His dick craves your pussy.  This dick is available anytime, anyplace.

GOD DAMN DICK
Ladies, now this is dick that will definitely send you to hell if you’re not married to it.  This dick is just like PLEASURABLE and GUILTY DICK.  His dick is anywhere from 8 to 11 inches long and the circumference of a half dollar.  This dick makes you numb, cry and pray all at the same time.  While he is getting it doggy style you look towards the heavens and say, “GOD DAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD DICK!”

CAP`N DICK
This is the gold mine dick.  This dick is the dick that you commit yourself too.  You do not cheat on it and you keep it a well-kept secret.  In fact, you constantly crave and feign for this dick. When you get this dick, you go through convulsions.  This is the dick that makes you EVER READY.  You call in sick from work for it. GOSH!!! This dick is so major it is OVERWHELMED DICK, PLEASURABLE DICK, GUILTY DICK, and GOD DAMN DICK all in one.  This is the dick that you want to put insurance on, just in case anything should happen to it.  This dick makes you stutter while speaking and have you nervous for days.

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 323 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.