By: Lindsay Wesker
This site has discussed love many times.
Being ‘in love’ is one of the most profound feelings you can experience. This is the person you think about first. When you see a beautiful dress, you think, “Maria would love that!” Or, when she hears a great tune on the radio, she thinks, “I wonder if John’s heard that yet?”
The person you’re in love with is the person you worry about most. You truly cannot sleep until you know they’ve reached their destination. You say silent prayers to yourself that they pass an exam or get that promotion they’ve been hoping for. And, when you think about that person passing away, your soul is suddenly filled with dread; a lump begins to appear in your throat and the thought of life without them just seems unbearable.
Some will say that a good relationship is built on trust but, actually, trust is just a milestone in the road. In order to get to where you need to be, you need to go beyond trust. You might say, “Oh, I trust my man!” But if you are still using-up precious minutes of your day wondering where he is, then you don’t trust him. A guy might say, “Yeah, we trust each other” but, if he starts visualizing her with other men every time he can’t reach her cell phone, then he is merely paying lip service to his friends.
As your life passes – and you find yourself wishing you could halt or maybe turn back time – you will begin to realize that every minute of your life is truly precious, and fretting about your partner is a terrible waste of time.
Ultimately, it’s all about pro’s and con’s. The person you choose to make a home with is the person with the most ticks in the pro column.
And it may just be that your partner is flirtatious? Or it may just be that your partner kissed another person at a drunken office party? Or it may just be that your partner had a one-night stand with someone on a business trip? But, if the pros still outweigh the cons, then you have a future. For those of you that cling on bravely to the totally unnatural principle of fidelity, your path is likely to be darkened with disappointment and loneliness.
If the pros outweigh the cons, then you have found someone decent. To do this, you must go beyond trust. Don’t even give trust a second thought. Leave your partner alone to have a separate set of interests and a separate circle of friends. As Sting once said, “If you love somebody, set them free.” Love is actually about appreciating that person for what they are and accepting everything about them, whether it is good or bad. If somebody tries to change you or fit you into their mold, then you have every right to be offended or feel short-changed. This is NOT a person who likes the essential you, thus they will never truly love you.
If you are wasting those precious minutes having heated discussions that include the phrases, “So, why were you late getting home?” or “Who is this girl Tiffany you keep calling?” then your relationship has no future. Trust is the least of your problems. How are you going to find time to make plans for good times and a future if your conversations are merely jealous and possessive spats? You can’t own someone. A relationship is not about ownership. You can own your car but don’t imagine you can own your partner.
Cut each other some slack, give each other some space and don’t waste another second of your precious life. As long as the pros outweigh the cons, things are good. If, however, that con column starts filling up with ticks, then you have another decision to make, but that’s another discussion.