Roses or Sh*t?

Dear Relationship Playbook

I’ll try to make this short. I’m a fan of yours on Facebook. I was in my first L.D.R., an hour and a half to be exact. We’ve been dating for 8 months. He is the 1st guy to ever send me flowers. We’re in LOVE. I’m a B.A.V. and he’s willing to wait until marriage for me. I’m 34 he’s 39. The only complaint about the relationship was going days w/o any calls, texts, or emails. I would text him daily. I expressed this to him w/o nagging on various occasions. Feb. 12-19 I did not hear from him. He told me that he was hospitalized and no one could locate his phone to call me. I said OK. Mar. 20-23 I did not hear from him and I broke up with him via text. He finally called and told me that him and his son(he’s a single father)had lost there place of residence and was having a hard time. He told me that during those days he had not talked to anybody. I was in a semi-rage and expressed to him that I’m just not “anybody”. As of today I haven’t recanted my break up, but I want us to remain friends w/ a possibility of getting back together.

He is a single father, in the military, a student, and has a full time job. He’s my first boyfriend in 3 years(by choice), and we were talking about marriage. Did I put my foot in my mouth? Should I have been more understanding? Or is he being inconsiderate? I’m a big believer about communication being key in a relationship, especially a long distance relationship.

Thanks for you time.

My thoughts…

When your gut, mind, and everything else tell you that the person isn’t the one for you, why do you second guess it?

For whatever reason, after people end relationships they start to romanticize all of the good things, rationalize the bad, and think they made a “rush” decision to break-up. When the reality is you went through the process on analyzing the relationship at least several times before you officially broke-up to begin with. You end the relationship for a reason, remember that. What are you romanticizing?

Although he was the first, sending someone flowers doesn’t take much effort, the reality is all you need is a debit card and a few mouse clicks on the internet.  It’s great to say and be told you’re “in love” or “in LOVE” as you put it –but the reality is how that love is shown is what’s important. It’s easy to “wait” on a born again virgin, but the reality is, it’s easy for someone to “wait” while they’re effin’ someone else. BTW we’re all born again virgins – until the next time we get some ass.

Don’t romanticize those things.

Now I don’t know the man, and although he “seems” to be part Jamaican with all those extra gigs, but I can’t help but smell BS when he can go days without any type of contact – no texts, nothing?!?
I really smell BS when he “just so happened” to be hospitalized for a week, and NO ONE could find his phone. Come on now, a week? What did he do, lose a kidney? Not to mention this “just so happened” to occur during Valentine’s Day?!?
Now, I may give him a little credit and say there’s a chance he lost his place last week, but I can’t help but think it was because whatever woman he was staying with got tired of his BS (yeah, you probably wasn’t the only, “other woman”) and kicked him out.

But that’s just me.

Whether you choose to romanticize the good, smell the BS, or be somewhere in between, you said yourself, “I’m a big believer about communication being key in a relationship, especially a long distance relationship”. It’s apparent that he doesn’t.

Why chose to stay in a relationship where you know you’re not going to get something that’s important to you?


Will Wavvy

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.