Better Safe Than Sorry

By: Will Wavvy

Dear Relationship Playbook

After ending a turbulent and unhealthy long term relationship, I started “dating” a man that lives in another state. The man I started dating was aware of the situation with my ex. He came to visit me and my ex popped up at my house uninvited and unannounced. I no longer communicate with my ex, but my neighbor told him that a guy was at my house. So as not to have a violent confrontation while my visitor was here or after he left i chose to act as if I was not home and called the police to make my ex leave. My visitor left to go back home and has not communicated with me much since.

We used to talk everyday and I have tried, calling, texting and even sending an email to express how I feel and how truly sorry I am for the way our perfect weekend ended so imperfectly. He doesn’t respond. yet he was the one pursuing me originally and speaking of long term commitment. I truly like this man but now i am at a loss for words because I am not sure what to do from here other than walk away.

Please offer feedback/ advice/ comments….
My thoughts….

Other than being adult enough to tell you that he doesn’t want to deal with you anymore, I don’t blame the man at all for choosing not to continue dating you.

Think about it. You probably gave him all the details of your “turbulent and unhealthy” relationship with your ex. He’s listened to you talk about how crazy he is, which probably sent up red flags in his mind. Then to top it off he shows up and you had to call the police – and this is a new relationship? Man please, I would’ve been on the first thing smoking back home.

It doesn’t matter how much I may like you, I like LIVING so much more. Everyday there’s a story about an estranged ex-boyfriend/husband that killed that woman and the man she was with. Why take a chance?

There are a few lessons this experience should teach you.

First, you need to get a restraining order on your ex and if possible move to another house where you don’t have nosy ass neighbors. This is not something that you should just hope goes away. Put this man on papers and don’t play around.

Next, you need to make sure your past relationship is completely your PAST before you move on to another relationship. That includes having him show up or even conversations about him. I don’t understand why people feel the need to make the next person “aware” of their past relationships and give all the details. It does nothing but tell the next person how to take advantage of you, or put them on guard because you’re a magnet for BS. If you feel the need to vent and purge about your last relationship, then go see a pastor. It really has no place in future relationships.

Finally, let it go. He’s made the decision to let it go, you need to do the same.

Will Wavvy

You can email your relationship questions to: crunchtime@relationshipplaybook.com

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.