By: Will Wavvy
One of the major questions women have when it comes to sex and relationships is “When should I give it up?”, “How soon is too soon?” It’s a major source of confusion for obvious reasons…
If you give it up too soon, you worry about him thinking you’re a “ho”, or an easy lay.
If you wait too long to give him some, you worry that he’s going to get tired of waiting and get it from someone else.
Even the “relationship experts” can’t seem to agree on a consensus answer. I’ve heard some say you need to wait six months… others say 10 dates… and the timetable of the moment seems to be 90 days as recommended by Steve Harvey in his bestselling book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Side note: I know this is going to sound weird coming from a man that gives relationship advice and created the “relationship advice” site that you’re now on, but I’m curious…
How does one become a relationship expert?
I have wondered about that for years. Is there a relationship expert course you can take or school you can go to? Is there some type of “relationship expert” club you can join if you pay your annual membership dues?
Now, I understand WHY people label themselves as relationship experts and by no means am I trying to knock their hustle. Having “relationship expert” on the cover of your book(s) will help you sell more books than “normal dude talking about relationships”. Relationships have so many different variables, that it’s nearly impossible to be an expert on relationships in general. Furthermore, if I’ve been married four times I would call myself an expert on “the divorce process” before I’d call myself a relationship expert.
But that’s just me, and again I’m not trying to knock anyone’s hustle. End side note.
Since 90 days seems to be the timetable of the moment, I’ll address that one specifically, but my thoughts are the same thing for all timetables.
It’s a bunch of BS!
Although everyone has their own thoughts on the specific time frame, there is one thing that we all will agree on…
Men will do just about anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, for some ass.
Men have fought wars… squandered fortunes… lost jobs… disowned family members and friends… went on killing rampages… and ruined their lives, marriages, etc., all in the name of spending some quality time in that warm, tight, wet, special place between a woman’s legs.
They say cocaine is a powerful drug – but it has nothing on some ass.
It’s just something about it that drives an otherwise sane man, insane. I should know – I have my own personal list of crazy things I’ve done. I bet if you ask men to list the Top 25 crazy things they’ve done to get some ass, waiting 90 days wouldn’t even be on the list – it probably wouldn’t even make the Top 50. We don’t consider waiting 90 days crazy at all – especially if we have another supplier while we’re waiting on you.
Now I do agree with the “experts” that you shouldn’t give it up because his hand is on your thigh and your kitty is purring after the first date. You need to have some type of standard to go by and while in theory it may make sense to make a man wait 90 days; the reality is that if a man just wants some ass, it doesn’t matter if you make him wait 90 days or 90 weeks – he’s still just going to want you for some ass.
And after you give him some, he’s still going to treat you differently- if he still even deals with you at all.
It’s no different than when you start a new job. During your 90 day probation period, you come to work on time (probably even early), do what’s asked of you without question, and go out of your way to be the best employee the company has ever seen.
But what happens on the 91st day and you’re no longer on probation?
Since you’re now “in there”, you begin to come to work a few minutes late, take long breaks, and begin doing “just enough” to not get fired. Men are driven, goal-oriented, creatures. We will do whatever we must to accomplish whatever it is we want to accomplish.
The 90 day rule doesn’t work for more than just the knuckleheads…
There are plenty of good, attractive, well-intentioned men that will find it childish to have 90 days of board games, movies, and watching Lifetime re-runs on the couch just because you want to test him and make him prove himself repeatedly. Just like you want him to prove he’s worth your cookies, he doesn’t want to have to deal with your personal hang-ups and insecurities and being taken advantage of. Men can be dumb, but we’re not naïve. We know the difference between someone holding out just to play a silly game and someone really not being sure if they’re ready to take it to the next level.
So what should you do?
You wait until you believe you know he wants YOU and not JUST (not matter what he still wants some) some ass. It’s really that simple.
How will you know? You won’t. Only HE knows what his true intentions are, you just have to reach a point to where you’re comfortable enough to believe he really wants to be with you.
If you don’t, then feel comfortable – keep the chasity belt on.
If you do, then put it on him and make sure all his neighbors know your name.
It doesn’t matter if it only takes you 2 days to be comfortable… well on second thought, if it’s just 2 days, then you probably don’t care about his intentions – you just want to give it up. If it takes 6 months, then that’s OK too. The only time table that matters is yours because it’s your own personal comfort level. But to put a specific time frame on it, because of some idiotic rule you heard someone else say – whether it’s 90 days, 10 dates, etc., is crazy.