Why Are You Single?

By: Will Wavvy

It amazes me how you can ask countless people a “somewhat” complex question and for the most part, get the same simple answer.  You can ask the question to the single mom with a couple of kids, struggling to make ends meet and you’ll get the same answer if you ask the single, successful “career woman” with no children.  You can ask the question to the single, divorced woman and you’ll get the same answer as the woman that has been a “serial dater” all of her life and has never been married.

The question is – “Why Are You Single”?

Now depending on her personal experiences, she may say things such as…

“All men are dogs.”

“All of the good men are either taken, gay, or don’t want to settle down.”

“Men don’t want to commit.”

“All men just want to play games and I’m tired of playing them”

Those are just a few of the many different answers you’ll get to the question, “Why are you Single”, but when you strip away all of the quoted song and movie lyrics, the excuses and justifications, the $5 words and simple truths – all of their answers are the same…

“It ain’t my fault”.

It is never you.  You were the best girlfriend the world has ever known.  You cooked, cleaned, sexed him until his dick hurt, made him feel like a man and did everything he wanted you to do and then some.  You did everything right, and yet he still messed it up.  It wasn’t enough.  Any and every man would be lucky to have a woman like you in his life.  Yet despite all of these wonderful traits you have, you’re still single.  Why?

Yes I know, “It ain’t my fault”.

Trivia question: What do ALL the men you’ve dated or been in a relationship with have in common?

No, this isn’t a trick question.  I’m serious.  “What do ALL of the men you’ve dated or been in a relationship with have in common?”

I’ll wait.  (cue the Jeopardy music)

OK, time’s up.

The answer is YOU.

They all dated you.  They all used you.  They all took advantage of the sweet, wonderful person that is you, and tossed you aside when they were done with you.  Those men don’t know each other (well, unless you believe it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none).  They don’t belong to some secret, “We are doggish men” club, but yet they all somehow found a way to dog you out.  Funny how that works.

I’ll give a crude, but true analogy.

Dog poopingWhy do you think dogs take the time to sniff around for a few minutes to find the right spot to shit on? It doesn’t matter how bad they have to go, a dog will never just pop a squat, why? Because, dogs only shit where they’re comfortable.  To go a little further, why do you think dogs shit where they can smell that other dogs have already shitted there? Because, it’s already been marked as a safe place to shit on.

If all you attract is “doggish” men, then stop being a toilet.  It’s pretty simple.

Fellas please don’t think you’re any different.  When asked, “Why Are You Single”, you give the same type of answers…

“Women don’t want a good guy, they just want the bad boys.”

“If you don’t have the “three 6’s” (at least 6 feet tall, have a 6-figure income, and at least 6 inches) then women don’t won’t mess with you. “

“Women nowadays, don’t know how to let a man be a man”.

“All women are gold diggers”.

Same shit, different toilet – “It ain’t my fault”.

No, it can’t possibly be that your version of a “good man” is some weak, pacified baby, that still sucks on his mama’s tits, pisses sitting down, and has “Doormat” stamped in formula across his forehead… or after humping like a jack rabbit for two mins you want to beat  on your chest like King Kong… or after being on a date for ten minutes you found a way to tell her about all the material things you possess (or lie about them).  No it can’t be any of those reasons because…

“It ain’t my fault”.

Understand this – the only reason why you’re single is because of you and you along.

Maybe you don’t know what you want.

Maybe you talk and dress in a way that says “Come eff me.”

Maybe you don’t know how to listen.

Maybe you think you can change him/her.

Or maybe you just make dumb ass choices when it comes to partners, but no matter what the specific details are about you that’s keeping you single, the answer to the question, “Why are you Single” is the same…

“It is your fault”.

The sooner you accept and realize this, the sooner you can begin to make the necessary changes to put yourself in a position to no longer be single and have better relationships.

 

You can email me at willwavvy@relationshipplaybook.com

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About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.

  • Those are definitely good starts. Have you considered approaching men?

  • I have lowered my safe guard (a bit) and I have become more aware of men flirting. I used to be so green to when guys were flirting with me, and now I’m starting to catch on. Also, not letting work or school get in the way of my personal life…(changing my routine). I used to doubt myself, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m ready for love.

    Ciao

  • Wonderful job on being honest with yourself Nakia. How are you making yourself more available?

  • For the most part I am aware of my minor faults. I have yet to be in a relationship, because I have a fear of settling and getting hurt. Therefore, in many ways, I have avoided relationships. Everyone who knows me or has the nerve to inquire always wonder why I am single. Many even fond it hard to believe that I have no prospects. Even I have shocked myself. But I have spent so much time in the books and self improvement, that I have negliected the fact that I do desire to be in a relationship, and experience the love tah tcomes from a partner. As I get older, I have been working on me being more available and open to relatiosnhips.

    Ciao

  • Looking in the mirror is a hard thing to do.

  • “Treat 'em mean, to keep em “keen”? LOL!

    So what would you say to a man that treated a woman like that?

  • Soo true.. but yet… hilarious!

  • MK

    Eric, My “working on me” is more in the vein of … I'm forthcoming with what I know my flaws to be (and what my perceived flaws are) — some of them I am willing to work on/change and others … I am not interested in changing so it's only fair to make that known up front (at some point).

    My “relationship ready” comment is based more on the fact that, as of late, I seem to be choosing fear over love and failure. So, my “working on me” is less of an excuse and more a realization but it's not a show stopper.

    SN: The site is GREAT, I'm glad it's up and running!
    ~MK

  • Basee Saka

    Yup… I'm not advocating the 'treat em mean to keep em keen' mentality… but you gotta keep a man on his toes. Soon as he thinks he can do what he likes, as and when he likes… he will!

  • The sooner people realize and accept this, the less they'll be a need for so many relationship “experts” and counselors.