The Too Independent Woman

By: Jessica Rabbit

We’ve all heard songs about the new age Independent Woman the epidemic that seemingly began with Destiny’s Child, “Independent Women”.  These songs, which were initially recorded for the film Charlie’s Angels, were ironic to say the least, considering that the Angels were not so independent but rather puppets for the invisible man Charlie. Nevertheless, so many women in this day and age have taken this woman’s empowerment to the extreme.

Independent women of today, have quite a few issues that prevent them from being considered prime choices for men. For starters, most independent women would argue that the only thing she needs a man for is to help her enjoy life and to fulfill non-material desires; but newsflash – men were designed by God to provide.  Sure you CAN do pretty much everything for yourself, but why would you want to?

These very same women don’t have a man, because they are too busy trying to be one. Men, especially black men, have been socialized to believe that they are required to be providers and that ultimately if they are not “needed” by a woman they have little purpose. A man needs to be “Mr. Fix –It” and know that he is capable of taking care of his woman.  When a man is stripped of that identity; he is left to feel virtually useless in a relationship; not to mention that women who deem themselves independent, are perceived by the male community to have competitive and aggressive personas. Men tend to believe that the independent woman has lost sight of her role in society and has thus taken on their role as the primary provider and leader in the relationship.  The “He can go at any time, cause I can do bad all by myself” attitude, never helps, and is guaranteed to hinder.  If you constantly have the mind state that you can do it on your own, you put less effort in doing it with someone else. This is not say that men want a woman who is excessively needy.  That is ultimately a turn off for most men.

I am therefore left to ask you the question, what man in his right mind would want a woman who is so self sufficient that once he marries her they can’t be co-sufficient?

Ladies, it’s one thing to provide and take care of yourself, but when you become so independent that you are convinced that a man is no longer a necessity but rather a common commodity then you have lost sight of this reality: every human being needs love companionship and some type of connection.

Another common trend amongst independent women is the unreasonably high set standards they possess and the countless flaws they tend to find with a man – deeming him unworthy of them. If asked how they feel about men, these type of independent women, will easily be able to tell you at minimum five different reasons why men aren’t any good. This quality, unlike the emasculating concept previously mentioned, is not necessarily a bad one depending on the context in which it is utilized. For example, as a woman who has accomplished much, and established herself in either her professional world, has a right to expect nothing less of a man to bring the same to the table. The problem, however, arises when the woman has set her expectations so high that she has limited the pool of eligible bachelors to less than 10% of men accessible to her. A perfectly good and qualified man to meet this woman’s needs may in fact be available. Unfortunately, because he does not meet every single aspect of her list of qualifications, this woman may reject him on the basis of something as simple as height, or making $ 100 less than her salary requirements for her mate. When a woman becomes so critical, she not only hinders herself from a good thing, but she sets up a sure fire roadblock for a man who is interested but feels otherwise inadequate to meet her needs. She may also create an invisible barrier for a qualified man who desires her, but would rather not “play the game.”

I’m saying all of this to say that the “too” independent woman is not the ideal candidate for any man. They say he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, in the case of the independent woman, he that findeth an independent woman, findeth an unsure thing.

Independent women are not exempt from being successful mates, but they can only be successful when they have learned to discover a healthy balance between the things that make them independent and the tools of success required to maintain a healthy relationship.

Men involved with these women, must be able to acknowledge and understand that they do have needs, their needs just happen to be different from a typical woman’s needs. Equally it is important that the “independent woman” in the relationship allow a man to be a man.

I conclude by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a self sufficient woman or having some form of independence from societal norms, but make sure that in your independence you don’t lose sight of how to share yourself and be dependent.

Lets rap a taste on the subject ya’ll don’t be scared..comment below.. Smooches

About willwavvy

Will Wavvy has written 349 post in this blog.

My life is dedicated to educating and empowering others to make healthy relationship choices. I write about, and answer questions about relationships in my never-ending quest to help people stay in love long after they've fallen in love.

  • And The Truth Is

    They’re without a doubt the worse kind of women to date because of their greediness and selfishness that they have nowadays which really speaks for itself.

  • Megastar7603

    I could not agree with you more… Espeacially, since I’m involved with one. What I love about her, is her personality. She’s funny, charismatic, loving, and a joy to be around; A great “partner” to be with. However, what I don’t like is the random indepedence mode. And when things go wrong, all of the sudden she gives me her a** to kiss then sings the I don’t need a man speech; It’s insulting and hurtful. I’m sure it comes from fear and having to have done things on your own, but a man can only take so much. What this type of behaviour creates insecurity on (the mans’ part) my part, as well as creates the doomsday reality the woman is trying to avoid, if at all. We need help, lol. Amazing article Jess.

  • Basee Saka

    ^5 to that sistah girl…